deeperwonderment: (Chloe Saunders [The Darkest Powers])
[personal profile] deeperwonderment
Title: These Eyes That See
Author: [personal profile] shadowcat
Fandom: Tomorrow When The War Began
Pairing/Characters: Fiona Maxwell
Prompt: First Person Narration and 246.Battle
Rating/Category: PG-13
Summary: Fi's thoughts on what she sees happening with Ellie.
Words: 1,000
Notes: For my GenPrompt_Bingo Card, my LadiesBingo Card and this Prompt table.




Ellie’s not doing well.

Who am I kidding? None of us are doing well, at all, but I’m watching Ellie break apart piece by piece in front of me. I want to cry because I don’t know how to help her. The boys don’t seem to notice or they’re trying to let her be macho about her pain. God, boys can be stupid sometimes. Even the strongest girl – like Ellie – needs to have someone put their arms around her and assure her that everything is going to be all right.

It started happening after they went to the Showground to see what was happening and where everyone was. Homer managed to get most of the story from Corrie, but there was something that seemed to be missing. Corrie said something had scared or shocked Ellie enough at the Showground that she hadn’t even noticed the searchlight until it was on her and Corrie was screaming for her to run back to her.

-- After Kevin had taken off and left the two of them alone there. Very macho, Kevin. Remind me to never ask you to watch my back when we go anywhere. –

I slipped out of the kitchen while they were still paying attention to Corrie and went over to Ellie. I could tell she didn’t want to tell me all of it, but I wasn’t going to be put off. She and Corrie were trying to protect me from the ugliness that was suddenly in our lives, but that wasn’t something I wanted them to do. For once, I was going to be there for Ellie and she was going to tell me what had spooked her so much that she almost got herself caught.

The truth was a whole lot worse than I could have imagined and the others should consider themselves lucky that Ellie kept that from them. To watch someone get shot in the head like that for no reason would have messed anyone up for a few minutes. She was scared because from her vantage point, the man who was killed had the same build as her father and she couldn’t stop imagining it was him.

Oh, Ellie.

I told her that it wasn’t her father and that she needed to stop thinking like that. Yes, his shadow may have resembled her father in build, but she would have known immediately if it had been her father.

-- I like Mr. Linton and I refused to think about him being murdered like that. I wouldn’t let Ellie keep thinking about it, either. It wasn’t Mr. Linton. Her father was alive and we would find him. –

The next thing that happened to break another piece of her away was when Corrie’s house got demolished. I’ve spent time with her and Corrie and Robyn there, of course, but it had always been one of Ellie’s additional homes because of the fact that she and Corrie had been best mates since they were babies. Ellie was being strong for Corrie, but I could see a tremor in Ellie’s body that no one else seemed to notice.

Now, though, I don’t know how the guys aren’t realizing that Ellie is moving around in a fog. She broke down when Kevin drove away with Corrie and Lee comforted her, but I don’t get how they thought that was the end of it. I share a tent with Ellie, now, and I know she’s having nightmares. She even has cried in her sleep but Lee and Homer don’t seem to know what to do when I know they have heard.

She’s breaking apart inside while all of the time trying to keep us motivated to fight. She’s not fond of Chris, but even I want to stab Chris for his latest stream of crap that he let loose from his mouth. He told Ellie that she needed to pull herself together because even if Corrie was dead, the rest of us aren’t. I think it’s a good thing that Robyn hustled him away from all of us. Homer looked like he wanted to shoot him right there.

I don’t think that Chris realizes that we have to rely on each other. Homer and Ellie are the ones that know the wilderness best and if we lose one of them, what happens to the rest of us? Whether he thinks Corrie is dead or not, he shouldn’t say those things to Ellie – or even to Homer.

If Chris suddenly disappears in the bush after going for a walk with Lee, then I don’t think any of us will be surprised.

Gosh, I know that’s a horrible thing to say, but Lee’s eyes changed when Chris told Ellie that Corrie was most likely dead.

It’s been a couple of weeks since we blew up the bridge and Corrie was hurt, but we’re getting ready to do another raid. I don’t know what the guys are planning to do, but I’m going to stick close to Ellie. There’s something in her eyes right now that worries me – like she’s not really sure she wants to keep surviving all of this. Oh, she says the right things and keeps up with all of the plans that we make, but I can’t shake the feeling that she’s slipping away from us.

I’m not going to let that happen. Even if the guys think she’s fine and that she’s as tough as some men, I know that she still feels things deeply. She may not say the things people want her to say, but she’s still our Ellie. I’m not going to let this war take another friend away from us like this.

I’m not going to let these soldiers and what they’re doing to our country and our families take Ellie away from us.

I might not look like a soldier, but Ellie isn’t the only girl that’s changed. If I have to fight for myself and for Ellie until she can, then I will.



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