After Destiny 1/?
Dec. 1st, 2008 03:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deeperwondermentTitle: After Destiny 1/?
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
not_from_stars
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Roswell
Character(s): Maria & Michael
Word Count: 2,191
Summary: It didn't matter the reasons. It didn't matter that part of her might have understood... if he had asked her what she thought. All that mattered was that he had left... and it hadn't been hard for him to leave her behind.
Notes: My first attempt to write Maria fic.
He had left.
It didn't matter the reasons. It didn't matter that part of her might have understood... if he had asked her what she thought.
All that mattered was that he had left... and it hadn't been hard for him to leave her behind.
She wasn't his Destiny. Wasn't special or important enough.
She was only Maria. Only the flaky and quirky girl that had fallen so hard for him. That loved him... and everything that he was.
She had done her best to deal and hid her own pain behind the flakiness that was now only a facade. She had changed in the last several months, but she didn't let it show after Michael and the others left. Liz was falling apart and she needed her best friend to keep her as together as she could. She wished she could have at least fixed things for Liz, but there was nothing that could be done to fix what had happened.
They weren't Destiny. They weren't enough. They were only human.
After awhile, Maria was able to see glimpses of the girl who was her best friend as there were fewer and fewer crying jags. Of course, of the smiles that Liz showed other people, Maria was the only one who noticed they never quite reached her eyes any longer.
Maria seemed to be handling all of it better than Liz -- or even Alex, for that matter. Bouncy, quirky Maria. She was always there with a smile or an idea to perk her two best friends up again as best as she could. No one ever realized that she had broken apart on the inside. She had hid it so well during the months she was helping to take care of Liz.
However, hiding the things you feel from your friends and lying to yourself can only work for so long until something happens to make all of that pain and heartbreak come to the surface.
For Maria, that moment came when she came out of the back of the Crashdown and saw who was sitting at a booth in her area. She felt her hands start to shake as she looked Michael over, making sure he was in one piece. Her eyes moved to see Isabel and Max as well. They were all three there... like nothing had happened.
She tried to keep it all in, she really did try. Better she wait on them than Liz be forced to. Even so, it was hard to make her feet take her those steps to their table. She couldn't look at him or else she would lose control of everything she had held within her. She stared down at the order pad, feeling the heat of the tears that she was fighting.
"What'll it be," she managed to get the words past her lips.
"Maria --"
"Not on the menu, sorry." The sarcastic retort didn't have as much bite as she wanted it to. This was too much. Too hard. For him -- them! -- to be here like nothing had changed when everything had changed.
"Maria," Michael tried again. "Can we --"
She saw a hand come in front of her face and tear the sheet off the order pad. The sheet was balled up and thrown on the table.
"Get out." The cold voice coming from Liz surprised her. "You're not welcome here."
"Liz," Max said in a surprised voice. "We just want --"
"No," she said, her voice still cold as she looked at the three of them. "Get. Out. You can't just come in here and act like nothing ever happened." She placed her hand on Maria's arm. "Come on, Maria. You don't need to take their order since they were just leaving."
Maria lifted her head to look at the three of them at the table. While her eyes recognized how sad they all looked, her brain and her heart just could not accept that they had come back... had come in here. She wasn't aware that her eyes had filled with the tears she had been fighting back for the last few months. It wasn't until she saw Michael's eyes widen and then drop that she realized they had.
"Alex?" Isabel asked softly. Out of all of them, Alex would never have been able to be cold to the three of them. He'd get them all to see reason and they could talk... could explain.
"They don't want you here," Alex said quietly. "Any of you." His eyes were sad as he looked at Isabel for a long moment, but then he turned to Michael and Max. Maria could feel him tense up as he put an arm around her and around Liz. "I think you've done enough, don't you? Get out." Alex swallowed. "Get out before Mr. Parker is told to call the Sheriff."
"Liz, please --" Max was cut off by Michael.
Michael who was acutely aware of the girl only a few inches from him that had tears in her eyes and was without her usual snark and sarcasm. "Let's go, Max. This was a bad idea."
"One of your worst ever," Liz continued on in the voice that Maria couldn't believe she was using on Max.
They were to the door before Max turned to look at Liz. "Liz, I'm sorry."
"You didn't look back when you left before, Max. You really shouldn't start now."
Maria watched them leave, before she pulled away from Liz and Alex and walked quickly into the back, then ran up the stairs and into Liz's room. Her chest hurt and as she slid down the wall, she could feel the tears starting to flow down her face.
Why? Why had they come back? Hadn't they hurt them all enough? Maria clenched her fists at her sides. Hadn't he hurt her enough?
She heard footsteps come into the room and felt her two best friends sit on the floor on either side of her. Alex pulled her to him and she felt Liz running a hand along her hair.
"Let it out, Maria," Liz said quietly. "Let all of it out. You've spent the last few months holding everything in and trying to keep us together."
"She's right," Alex said, hugging her. "It's our turn to help you get put back together."
So they had noticed what she was doing... and not doing.
"I told Dad you weren't feeling well," Liz said softly. "He said that he could take care of things down there that I could stay and take care of you."
That probably surprised Maria almost as much as everything else had. She liked Mr. Parker, but for him to give both of them the rest of the shift off at the same time? He had to have realized what upset them both so much.
"Why?" she finally managed to ask. "Why did they come back? He already let me realize that I wasn't important enough for him to stay..." It hurt to even say the words.
"You love him like I love Max," Liz said quietly. "But, we have to let it go. We're not enough. We're not one of them. We're not Destiny." Her voice was bitter. "We have to move on."
It was three nights later that Maria caught her next glimpse of Michael.
She was on the stage, singing with the band she had gotten hired by a few weeks after Michael and the others have left. It was just one of many things that had changed with her after Michael was gone. Singing had always been her outlet, and it became one of the things that kept her pulled together while she was keeping Liz in one piece. The song she was singing was one of those that really tugged at the heartstrings. It was a duet and Maria had let herself get into the song, as she always did during a performance.
"But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here..."
It was a song that struck too close to home for Maria, but it was also one of their most popular songs that always got a reaction from whatever gathering they were playing in front of. Of course, she had never expected that Michael would ever see her singing on stage -- much less this song. So, when she had seen him walk in, she had faltered only slightly.
"Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you..."
She tried not to look at Michael as they sang the song. However, of their own volition, her eyes always found his in the audience. It wasn't something that she had planned on, but as the song came to the next duet part, she found that she couldn't look away from Michael as she sang the words that she felt so personally.
"...But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears
'Cause I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here..."
After the song was over, the band had a break. Maria walked off the stage... and right into Michael.
"Oh," she said softly, stepping back. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be here."
"I know," he said, looking at her with that intense gaze of his. "I figured if you knew I was waiting over here, you would find some way to avoid me and go the other way."
He was right, she would have. She would gone back through the curtains and out the alleyway exit to avoid running into him. There was no way she was admitting that. "Is there a reason that I should feel I have to avoid you, Michael?"
"You've been doing a pretty good job of it for the last few days."
She shrugged, trying to keep that facade of indifference in place as she looked at him. "I didn't feel like there was any reason to seek you out, Michael. Not seeking you out is a lot different than avoiding you."
"I'm the expert at avoiding, Maria," he said, his eyes fixed on hers. "So, I know it when I see it, and that's what you've been doing for the last few days."
"What do you want me to say," she asked quietly. "Everything's been said already, don't you think?"
"I just want to talk to you," Michael said, reaching out to touch her cheek.
"Hasn't everything already been said that needs to be said, Michael?" Her indifference turned to tiredness. "I'm not like you. I'm only human. I'm not destiny. I'm not what you want or what you're meant for. I get it. I got it. I don't need it explained to me. I got the message loud and clear, Michael. You don't have to worry about me following you around or trying to get you to give me anything you don't want to give." She swallowed past the lump in her throat and tried to keep her voice steady. "I promise, I won't get in your way."
"Maria," Michael's hand dropped away from her face and he looked down into her eyes. He was feeling a little out of his depth right now, and it wasn't a feeling he enjoyed. Hearing what Maria was saying and hearing how she was saying it made him ache inside. He hadn't thought about how their so-called destiny was going to affect the people that cared about them, the ones closer than they had thought to look.
"I have to go, Michael," Maria said quietly. "We have another set we have to do."
"I'll give you a ride home after you're done."
She so much wanted to step into him and just put her arms around him and hold him to her. His leaving hadn't changed the love she felt for him, but Liz was right. They weren't one of them. The things she felt for him couldn't fight that one truth.
"I have my car with me," she said, turning to head to the stage. "Thanks for the offer, though."
"Maria, we need to talk. There are things you need to know."
Maria sighed, lowering her head. "There's nothing more that I need to know, Michael. You made it pretty clear where we fit into in the grand scheme of things. There's nothing left to be said."
She shook her head once more and continued towards the back area of the stage. As hard as it was to do, she walked away without looking back at him. She knew if she looked at him, all of her resolve would crack and she would find herself in his arms... until the next thing that came along that would break her heart because it was more important.
Author:
not_from_starsRating: PG-13
Fandom: Roswell
Character(s): Maria & Michael
Word Count: 2,191
Summary: It didn't matter the reasons. It didn't matter that part of her might have understood... if he had asked her what she thought. All that mattered was that he had left... and it hadn't been hard for him to leave her behind.
Notes: My first attempt to write Maria fic.
He had left.
It didn't matter the reasons. It didn't matter that part of her might have understood... if he had asked her what she thought.
All that mattered was that he had left... and it hadn't been hard for him to leave her behind.
She wasn't his Destiny. Wasn't special or important enough.
She was only Maria. Only the flaky and quirky girl that had fallen so hard for him. That loved him... and everything that he was.
She had done her best to deal and hid her own pain behind the flakiness that was now only a facade. She had changed in the last several months, but she didn't let it show after Michael and the others left. Liz was falling apart and she needed her best friend to keep her as together as she could. She wished she could have at least fixed things for Liz, but there was nothing that could be done to fix what had happened.
They weren't Destiny. They weren't enough. They were only human.
After awhile, Maria was able to see glimpses of the girl who was her best friend as there were fewer and fewer crying jags. Of course, of the smiles that Liz showed other people, Maria was the only one who noticed they never quite reached her eyes any longer.
Maria seemed to be handling all of it better than Liz -- or even Alex, for that matter. Bouncy, quirky Maria. She was always there with a smile or an idea to perk her two best friends up again as best as she could. No one ever realized that she had broken apart on the inside. She had hid it so well during the months she was helping to take care of Liz.
However, hiding the things you feel from your friends and lying to yourself can only work for so long until something happens to make all of that pain and heartbreak come to the surface.
For Maria, that moment came when she came out of the back of the Crashdown and saw who was sitting at a booth in her area. She felt her hands start to shake as she looked Michael over, making sure he was in one piece. Her eyes moved to see Isabel and Max as well. They were all three there... like nothing had happened.
She tried to keep it all in, she really did try. Better she wait on them than Liz be forced to. Even so, it was hard to make her feet take her those steps to their table. She couldn't look at him or else she would lose control of everything she had held within her. She stared down at the order pad, feeling the heat of the tears that she was fighting.
"What'll it be," she managed to get the words past her lips.
"Maria --"
"Not on the menu, sorry." The sarcastic retort didn't have as much bite as she wanted it to. This was too much. Too hard. For him -- them! -- to be here like nothing had changed when everything had changed.
"Maria," Michael tried again. "Can we --"
She saw a hand come in front of her face and tear the sheet off the order pad. The sheet was balled up and thrown on the table.
"Get out." The cold voice coming from Liz surprised her. "You're not welcome here."
"Liz," Max said in a surprised voice. "We just want --"
"No," she said, her voice still cold as she looked at the three of them. "Get. Out. You can't just come in here and act like nothing ever happened." She placed her hand on Maria's arm. "Come on, Maria. You don't need to take their order since they were just leaving."
Maria lifted her head to look at the three of them at the table. While her eyes recognized how sad they all looked, her brain and her heart just could not accept that they had come back... had come in here. She wasn't aware that her eyes had filled with the tears she had been fighting back for the last few months. It wasn't until she saw Michael's eyes widen and then drop that she realized they had.
"Alex?" Isabel asked softly. Out of all of them, Alex would never have been able to be cold to the three of them. He'd get them all to see reason and they could talk... could explain.
"They don't want you here," Alex said quietly. "Any of you." His eyes were sad as he looked at Isabel for a long moment, but then he turned to Michael and Max. Maria could feel him tense up as he put an arm around her and around Liz. "I think you've done enough, don't you? Get out." Alex swallowed. "Get out before Mr. Parker is told to call the Sheriff."
"Liz, please --" Max was cut off by Michael.
Michael who was acutely aware of the girl only a few inches from him that had tears in her eyes and was without her usual snark and sarcasm. "Let's go, Max. This was a bad idea."
"One of your worst ever," Liz continued on in the voice that Maria couldn't believe she was using on Max.
They were to the door before Max turned to look at Liz. "Liz, I'm sorry."
"You didn't look back when you left before, Max. You really shouldn't start now."
Maria watched them leave, before she pulled away from Liz and Alex and walked quickly into the back, then ran up the stairs and into Liz's room. Her chest hurt and as she slid down the wall, she could feel the tears starting to flow down her face.
Why? Why had they come back? Hadn't they hurt them all enough? Maria clenched her fists at her sides. Hadn't he hurt her enough?
She heard footsteps come into the room and felt her two best friends sit on the floor on either side of her. Alex pulled her to him and she felt Liz running a hand along her hair.
"Let it out, Maria," Liz said quietly. "Let all of it out. You've spent the last few months holding everything in and trying to keep us together."
"She's right," Alex said, hugging her. "It's our turn to help you get put back together."
So they had noticed what she was doing... and not doing.
"I told Dad you weren't feeling well," Liz said softly. "He said that he could take care of things down there that I could stay and take care of you."
That probably surprised Maria almost as much as everything else had. She liked Mr. Parker, but for him to give both of them the rest of the shift off at the same time? He had to have realized what upset them both so much.
"Why?" she finally managed to ask. "Why did they come back? He already let me realize that I wasn't important enough for him to stay..." It hurt to even say the words.
"You love him like I love Max," Liz said quietly. "But, we have to let it go. We're not enough. We're not one of them. We're not Destiny." Her voice was bitter. "We have to move on."
It was three nights later that Maria caught her next glimpse of Michael.
She was on the stage, singing with the band she had gotten hired by a few weeks after Michael and the others have left. It was just one of many things that had changed with her after Michael was gone. Singing had always been her outlet, and it became one of the things that kept her pulled together while she was keeping Liz in one piece. The song she was singing was one of those that really tugged at the heartstrings. It was a duet and Maria had let herself get into the song, as she always did during a performance.
"But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here..."
It was a song that struck too close to home for Maria, but it was also one of their most popular songs that always got a reaction from whatever gathering they were playing in front of. Of course, she had never expected that Michael would ever see her singing on stage -- much less this song. So, when she had seen him walk in, she had faltered only slightly.
"Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you..."
She tried not to look at Michael as they sang the song. However, of their own volition, her eyes always found his in the audience. It wasn't something that she had planned on, but as the song came to the next duet part, she found that she couldn't look away from Michael as she sang the words that she felt so personally.
"...But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears
'Cause I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here..."
After the song was over, the band had a break. Maria walked off the stage... and right into Michael.
"Oh," she said softly, stepping back. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be here."
"I know," he said, looking at her with that intense gaze of his. "I figured if you knew I was waiting over here, you would find some way to avoid me and go the other way."
He was right, she would have. She would gone back through the curtains and out the alleyway exit to avoid running into him. There was no way she was admitting that. "Is there a reason that I should feel I have to avoid you, Michael?"
"You've been doing a pretty good job of it for the last few days."
She shrugged, trying to keep that facade of indifference in place as she looked at him. "I didn't feel like there was any reason to seek you out, Michael. Not seeking you out is a lot different than avoiding you."
"I'm the expert at avoiding, Maria," he said, his eyes fixed on hers. "So, I know it when I see it, and that's what you've been doing for the last few days."
"What do you want me to say," she asked quietly. "Everything's been said already, don't you think?"
"I just want to talk to you," Michael said, reaching out to touch her cheek.
"Hasn't everything already been said that needs to be said, Michael?" Her indifference turned to tiredness. "I'm not like you. I'm only human. I'm not destiny. I'm not what you want or what you're meant for. I get it. I got it. I don't need it explained to me. I got the message loud and clear, Michael. You don't have to worry about me following you around or trying to get you to give me anything you don't want to give." She swallowed past the lump in her throat and tried to keep her voice steady. "I promise, I won't get in your way."
"Maria," Michael's hand dropped away from her face and he looked down into her eyes. He was feeling a little out of his depth right now, and it wasn't a feeling he enjoyed. Hearing what Maria was saying and hearing how she was saying it made him ache inside. He hadn't thought about how their so-called destiny was going to affect the people that cared about them, the ones closer than they had thought to look.
"I have to go, Michael," Maria said quietly. "We have another set we have to do."
"I'll give you a ride home after you're done."
She so much wanted to step into him and just put her arms around him and hold him to her. His leaving hadn't changed the love she felt for him, but Liz was right. They weren't one of them. The things she felt for him couldn't fight that one truth.
"I have my car with me," she said, turning to head to the stage. "Thanks for the offer, though."
"Maria, we need to talk. There are things you need to know."
Maria sighed, lowering her head. "There's nothing more that I need to know, Michael. You made it pretty clear where we fit into in the grand scheme of things. There's nothing left to be said."
She shook her head once more and continued towards the back area of the stage. As hard as it was to do, she walked away without looking back at him. She knew if she looked at him, all of her resolve would crack and she would find herself in his arms... until the next thing that came along that would break her heart because it was more important.
