deeperwonderment: (Becker and Connor Black and White)
[personal profile] deeperwonderment
Title: The Distance In His Eyes
Author: [livejournal.com profile] not_from_stars
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing/Characters: Becker, Connor
Rating/Category: PG-13/Character Death
Summary: "All they know is a picture or a file. They weren't her friends. They didn't love her."
Words: 893
Notes: I'm not even sure I know where this one came from.




Everytime someone came up to the two men after the service, the taller one waved them away. He understood that they wanted to offer their support and condolences, but there was nothing that they could say to them right now. More importantly, the younger man wouldn't be able to handle any of their words right now. He wasn't sure if there was anything that they could say that would help him.

Hell, he wasn't sure if anything they wanted to say would help him right now.

He listened to the others walk away and sighed inwardly. He knew that Connor had wanted a private ceremony -- just the people who knew her -- but Phillip Burton had been insistent that everyone at the ARC pay their respects to someone that had been a colleague.

"Most of them didn't even know her," Connor finally said in that hoarse voice that he had now. "All they know is a picture or a file. They weren't her friends. They didn't love her."

"I know," Becker said quietly. He did know and he had done his best to fight for Connor about this. After all, right now, Connor couldn't fight for himself. The pain was too much for him; too raw and fresh. "Lester tried, Connor."

"It wasn't enough."

When thunder rumbled overhead, Becker placed his hand on his shoulder. "We should go, Connor. It's about to get very wet."

"I don't want to leave her alone," Connor said, and then his voice broke. "Only she's not there and I did leave her alone. I couldn't even bring her back home."

Becker winced and put his arm around him so that he could steer him away from the headstone and toward the truck that was waiting for them.

The drive to Becker's place was silent. Since Abby and Connor's flat had been packed up and put into storage, Becker had insisted Connor stay with him. After all, there was no way he could let him be alone, not in the condition he was in. When they got to his place, Connor headed to the darkened bedroom he had been staying in and Becker sighed wearily.

He didn't know what to do to help him. It had only been a few days since his return, but there should have been something he could have done to change all of it.

He headed into the kitchen to grab a beer and then he let himself collapse onto his sofa. He watched the storm move in, but his thoughts were already moving back several days; back to when the anomaly opened.


***

"Guns down, guns down!" Becker barked when he recognized the person who had stumbled from the anomaly and was on his knees with his hands behind his head. When no one else came through the anomaly, Becker looked at Connor, helping him to his feet. "Connor? Where are Abby and Danny?"

He watched Connor struggle with himself. "Danny went on ahead of us after Helen when I was hurt by raptors. Abby... Abby..."

Becker caught Connor as he broke in front of him. "Connor? Connor, mate, talk to me. Where is Abby?"

"Abby didn't... she ... a quake... off the cliff... Spinosaurus... she was... gone... oh god, Becker. Abby's gone!"

It had taken some time, but Becker had finally managed to get the story put together from what Connor was able to get out through his shock and grief.

Abby and Connor had finally gotten together during their stay in the Cretaceous. About a week previous to the anomaly opening, there had been a sudden earthquake and the cliff Abby had been on had collapsed, and she had gotten hurt. Before Connor could get to her, a damned dinosaur -- Spinosaurus, Connor said -- had smelled the blood from her wounds. Connor had fallen apart again when he told Becker that she had never made a sound after the dinosaur arrived...


***

Now, Becker sighed, feeling that pain in his chest that had been there since he had gotten the news. He just couldn't imagine a world without Abby Maitland in it. The fact that she had died only days before the anomaly had opened that would have brought her home just made the pain all the worse.

He leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. He thought the grief had been bad when he lost Sarah, but this was different. This was more personal, more painful. He had adored Abby. There was something about her that could make him smile, no matter what kind of mood he was in.

A sound from the bedroom made him stiffen. He got to his feet and moved quickly to the bedroom that Connor was occupying. When he opened the door, his heart broke a little more.

"Oh, Conn," he said quietly.

Connor had collapsed on the floor and his body was shaking with silent sobs. There were tears pouring down his face as he held his arms tightly around his waist, but he wasn't making any sound at all.

Becker sat on the floor beside him and just held him. The depth of Connor's grief made Becker's rise up again and the two men sat in the darkened room and just held onto each other as they mourned the loss of the woman they thought would live forever.



Date: 2011-02-04 07:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lukadreaming.livejournal.com
Ouch! That's very stark and painful.

Date: 2011-02-04 08:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ssw-loved.livejournal.com
My heart is shattering into a million little pieces at the moment. And I love you for it. This was fantastically written.

Date: 2011-02-04 08:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternalscribe.livejournal.com
I don't know if I should apologize or say think you. :D

How about I do both?

Date: 2011-02-04 08:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternalscribe.livejournal.com
Thank you. It kind of broke mine to write, too.

Date: 2011-02-04 08:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] canadian-jay.livejournal.com
*wibbles*

Beautiful, just beautiful.

Date: 2011-02-04 08:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tay-21.livejournal.com
GUH! That was brutal. Bad eternalscribe! *Slaps your hand* You're not suppose to kill Abby. (Excellently done though. Poor Conn.) D-: *slinks off to wail in the corner and find happy fic*

Date: 2011-02-04 09:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sophiathorn.livejournal.com
Oh god, you just killed me.

Heartbreaking.
Beautiful.

Date: 2011-02-04 09:13 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-02-04 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternalscribe.livejournal.com
I'm sorry!

If it helps, I have happy fic in the works?

Date: 2011-02-04 09:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternalscribe.livejournal.com
Meeps. I'm sorry!

Thank you.

Date: 2011-02-04 09:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tay-21.livejournal.com
Ooh... That actually helps a lot. Yes. :-)

Date: 2011-02-04 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estel-willow.livejournal.com
...ouch.

*goes and gets a hug from Mands*

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED ABBY!

*wibbles* This is quite a painful read, I can see why it broke you. =/

Date: 2011-02-04 11:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] knitekat.livejournal.com
Meep and *huggles Connor*

Date: 2011-02-04 11:18 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-02-04 11:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternalscribe.livejournal.com
SHE'LL GET BETTER, I PROMISE!

I have no idea where it came from and I was in tears when I finished it.

Date: 2011-02-04 11:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternalscribe.livejournal.com
Poor boy. He needs the huggles.

Date: 2011-02-04 11:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] woodstock12.livejournal.com
How sad...nicely written.

Date: 2011-02-04 11:24 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-02-05 12:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aylabones.livejournal.com
So heartbreaking, and beatifully written. I think that this can be perfectly Connor´s reaction about Abby´s death, and I utterly loved last scene with Becker comforting Connor on the floor *pets the two boys, gives them a kleenex and makes a magic ritual with the Book of the Dead in order to resurrect Abby*

Date: 2011-02-05 12:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternalscribe.livejournal.com
Thank you. I can only imagine that Connor would shatter if he actually lost Abby.

Oh dear. I may have crossover idea. *sends you the bunny instead* :D

Date: 2011-02-05 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aylabones.livejournal.com
yeah, I think only Abby and maybe Cutter have such a strong influence in Connor. So, do you have an idea for a crossover? *presents you the bunny with a red ribbon and a carrot* I think you could make a great fic if you decide to write it :-)

Date: 2011-02-05 07:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] echo-fangirl.livejournal.com
*wibbles* Poor Connor. Poor Becker. Poor Abby. You broke all of them!

Date: 2011-02-05 10:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] counselor69.livejournal.com
Very well written. I almost felt like an intruder "watching" Becker and Connor grief. Thanks for sharing.

Date: 2011-02-05 01:53 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-02-05 01:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternalscribe.livejournal.com
Thank you for reading. :)

Date: 2011-02-07 08:32 pm (UTC)
fredbassett: (Default)
From: [personal profile] fredbassett
Oh ouch!!! Poor both of them!

Date: 2011-02-07 08:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternalscribe.livejournal.com
I know. Poor boys.

I have learned my lesson. Hurts too much to kill any of them. :D

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Scriptrix Aeternīs

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