deeperwonderment: (Becker and Connor Black and White)
[personal profile] deeperwonderment
Title: Across The Borders Of Time
Author: [livejournal.com profile] not_from_stars
Artist(s): [livejournal.com profile] danceswithgary and [livejournal.com profile] whuffle
Media Link: DancesWithGary and Whuffle
Word Count: 37,255
Fandom: Primeval
Genre: Angst; Het and Slash
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Abby Maitland/Hilary Becker, Danny Quinn/Connor Temple
Summary: Captain Becker was forced to watch as Abby, Danny and Connor went through an anomaly to prevent Helen Cutter from destroying mankind. After Connor is hurt, Danny sends Abby ahead of them to stop Helen no matter what she has to do. Unfortunately, after killing Helen, Abby returns to the site of the anomaly -- only to watch it close before she can go through it. This leaves Abby trapped in the Pleistocene with no way of getting back home, and with no way of letting the people who love her know that she's alive.
Warnings/Spoilers: This is an AU of the last episode of Series 3 and into Series 4.
Author’s Notes: This story has been a labor of love, emphasis on the labor part. I want to thank my beta and cheerleader, [livejournal.com profile] enochiansigils, for holding my hand through this and not letting me give up. [livejournal.com profile] danceswithgary made me an awesome wallpaper I use on my netbook and a matching icon and she was so infinitely patient with me as I struggled with this stork, I want to make sure she gets herthanks for that. I want to thank [livejournal.com profile] whuffle for making me extra pretties to go with this and also want to thank [livejournal.com profile] whuffle and [livejournal.com profile] morrigans_eve for adding their encouragement to that of [livejournal.com profile] enochiansigils so that I could stick to writing this.








Three years.

It had been three years to the day that his friends had gone missing. Three years since the last time that he had seen the woman he loved more than his own life. Three years since he had let her walk away and into a dangerous situation without him.

The pain of missing her never got easier.

Tonight, he sat on his balcony, not paying any attention to the rain that was falling down. There were more than a few beer bottles around his feet. This night never got any easier for him. Granted, he was so relieved that Danny and Connor had made it back home last year, but Abby was still lost out there somewhere.

Somewhere that they couldn’t seem to find a way to get to.

Not to say that they hadn’t tried. Connor and Sarah had created experiment after experiment and they just couldn’t seem to get to the exact same place in time that Abby had disappeared into after she continued chasing Helen. They were trying to narrow down the timeframe to where Helen’s coordinates had been directed to, but it was still a lengthy process. Connor said that they could narrow it down to about a period of a thousand years – but even that margin was difficult.

They kept trying, though.

In fact, they all kept trying. Trying to find Abby, trying to make sure everything was running normally. Trying to live their lives as if there wasn’t something important missing from them.

There was a lot of trying going on.

Becker couldn’t admit it out loud to anyone, but he was awfully damn tired of trying. He was even closer to losing hope entirely. He held on because everyone expected him to and they needed him to. He pretended to be strong because that was what he had always done. That was his job and how he took care of these people that cared about him. They relied on him and leaned on him as their strong port in this storm that Helen Cutter had caused. He pretended to hope because that was what he did. He propped them up and barked encouragement at them to not give up on hope, when at the same time he was slowly falling apart inside.

It was getting harder and harder for him to keep going; harder still to make himself go into work every day. Everywhere he went and every place he looked, he saw ghosts of Abby. It was becoming too much for even him.

Which had brought him to sitting on his balcony trying to get himself drunk in the rain on the third anniversary of her disappearance.

He couldn’t do this any longer, he didn’t think. He had tried to hold on, god knew he had tried, but after three years, he was out of strength and he was out of hope. He just wasn’t strong enough to keep going on like this.

“I’ve tried, Abby my girl,” he spoke into the rain. “I’ve tried so hard to hold on and stay strong for the day that you finally came back to me. I just don’t think that I can do this any longer. I believe you’re still alive – god I hope you are, at least – but I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t believe that I’m ever going to see you again. I let you down once and here I am about to do it again.”

He could feel the tears begin as he fingered the ring that was on his hand. He had bought one for her, too, but he had never gotten the chance to give it to her.

“I’m leaving here, love. I just can’t stay here any longer. It hurts too much. There’s too much of you here in every direction I turn. That’s not your fault and I wouldn’t change the time we were allowed to have together for anything. No matter how it all seems to have ended, I would never have given up what we were lucky enough to have together at one time.” He took a deep breath and then took a long drink from the bottle in his hand. "I'm leaving, Abby my girl. I'm leaving the ARC, I'm leaving England, I'm leaving it all. I'm going back on active duty with the military." He swallowed, tears moving down his face. "I'll never love someone as much as I love you, but I just can't live like this anymore. The changes of hope to despair is killing me and I know that you would never want that for me, just like I would never want it for you." His breath hitched. "I love you so much, Abby, but I can't go on like this. It's been three years and there's not even been a sign of you no matter where we've searched. I just have to force myself to admit that I've lost you. I should never have let you guys go after her without me. I promised that I would always protect you and keep you safe, and I failed so badly in that."

He slid out of his chair and landed on his knees on the balcony, resting his head against the bars of the bannister as he let the tears fall.

He shook his head, not feeling the fact that the rain had gotten colder. "I'm leaving the house for Danny and Connor. After everything that's happened, they deserve and need this place more than anyone on the market. I bought it for you and if you can't have it, then they can." He ran a hand through his hair. "None of it means anything without you, Abby my girl. None of things I've done in the last few years, none of the plans I was making. Nothing means a damned thing with you trapped in a place where we will never be able to find you again. It's killing me, Abby. Not knowing how you are and realizing that I really probably am never going to see you again. I love you so much, will always loved you, but I can't do this any longer. It's killing me and you would never handle seeing what I've become. You would tear yourself apart with guilt that isn't yours."

Becker let his drop against the railings as he let the flood of tears break free. He had tried to be strong and he had tried to hold everything together and hold all of his emotions in. He was supposed to be stoic and be everybody's pillar of strength, but he was drained of strength. He just couldn't hold it together any longer.

"Oh, Becks," a soft and gentle voice said as arms went around him and pulled him to his feet. "Come on love, we need to get you inside and get you dried off." He looked around at all of the empty bottles littering the patio and he winced. How had no one known how fragile their soldier had become? How long had this been going on right under his and Danny's noses? Connor felt a rush of sadness and guilt. They had been paying so much attention to being back and getting back into work that they hadn't noticed how their best mate was breaking apart inside. He must have been the strong one for everyone while all of them were gone and that hadn't changed when he and Danny had returned. They should have realized that he was losing his strength and his hope. They had returned, but no one knew the fate of Abby. They said she was alive because they couldn't deal with the alternative. However, for Becker, not knowing after three years and trying to deal with it alone had to be breaking him even further.

"Danny," Connor called out softly as he managed to get Becker into the house and shut the sliding glass door behind him. "Danny, Becker needs us -- and a few towels."

Danny came out of the living room and stared for a moment. "What the hell happened to him?"

"He's falling apart, Danny. I don't know how much he's had to drink or how long he's been out there, but I'm betting that he went right out there as soon as he got home from work tonight."

Danny winced. "You mean right after the Minister declared Abby dead and lost."

Connor nodded. "It must have been the last straw on a back that was already near breaking. He's been so stoic and strong, trying to hold onto the hope that Abby would one day come back like we did. He probably spent the last few years being everybody's strength and when we returned he went into protector mode for the two of us, as well."

"Oh, Becker," Danny said sorrowfully. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"My job to take care of you and I failed all of you," Becker suddenly said from where he was standing and making a puddle of water on the floor.

"No," Danny said quietly. "You didn't fail us, Becker. You didn't fail us at all. You weren't with us -- and thank god you weren't -- because you were here protecting our loved ones. If you hadn't been here to protect them, we would never have been able to keep focused and do what needed to be done."

"I'm sorry that we lost her, Becks," Connor said in a choked voice. "You have no idea how sorry and how you must hate us for coming home when she didn't."

Becker just stared at them with shock in his blood-shot eyes. "Hate you? No, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. God, I was so relieved to see that you were home and in one piece. Yes, I was upset that Abby wasn't with you, but that wasn't your fault." He looked from Connor to Danny. "Have you guys been thinking I hate you for the last year?"

Danny shrugged, but Connor nodded. "Pretty much, yeah. I mean, you made sure we were taken care of and you moved us into your new home and helped us try to adapt and then you started pulling away. Withdrawing into yourself and we thought maybe you resented us being here when Abby was lost."

"That wasn't it, Connor. That wasn't it at all." He swallowed hard. "I withdrew because I didn't want to be disloyal to Abby in your eyes -- and I didn't want to do anything that would complicate or mess up what the two of you have. I had to pull away because I was getting too close to the two of you and I knew that I needed to leave you alone."

"Leave us alone?" Connor's eyes were full of confusion. "But why?"

Becker looked ashamed and looked down at the floor, not meeting their eyes. "Because I couldn't get Danny's goodbye kiss out of my mind no matter how much time passed or what happened."

Danny looked at Becker for a moment, putting more thought into it than his next words might reveal. “Do you want me to kiss you again?”

Becker bit his lip, looked at Danny, nodded. “If Connor’s all right with it,” he said, his voice quiet. “I don’t want to muck anything up...”

“You need it, Becker,” Connor said gently. “Even if I didn’t want to see it, how could I begrudge you something you need?”

Becker looked at him, blinking in confusion. “You... you want to see him kiss me?”

Connor just nodded.

“And how can I tell him no?” Danny grinned before moving towards Becker and pulling him in for a kiss that had little to do in the way of gentle and everything to do in the way of reassurance. Reassurance that everything was going to be all right between them, that he wanted to kiss Becker again just as much as Becker had wanted to be kissed again.

Becker whimpered softly into the kiss, clutching at the front of Danny’s shirt with one hand and bringing the other hand up to touch the other man’s face cautiously at first and then with more certainty.

Connor had thought for a second that maybe he might feel a little jealous seeing this, even if it was something he wanted, but no. No jealousy. Just a strange sort of contentment and a stirring of desire. More than a stirring, truth be told. He moved forward, pressing against Becker from behind. “He’s a good kisser, isn’t he?” he murmured in Becker’s ear.

All Becker could do was whimper an agreement.

“A little secret?” Connor said, his voice still soft. “He’s an even better shag.”

The idea of being shagged by Danny made Becker’s knees go weak. Or maybe that was the alcohol. Either way, he found himself suddenly clinging to Danny and returning the kiss with a newfound ferocity.

Danny laughed against Becker’s lips. “Think he likes that idea,” he said to Connor.

“Think so, too,” Connor said, slipping a hand up under Becker’s wet shirt. “And we really should get him out of these wet clothes. They can’t possibly be any good for him.”

“I’m inclined to agree,” Danny said, pulling back to start undoing Becker’s pants. “He’s going to get sick if he stays in these, and we don’t want that.”

“N-no, we don’t,” Becker managed to agree, kicking his shoes off. “Then I’d be utterly useless to the two of you.”

“You will never be useless to us,” Connor said fiercely, tugging Becker’s shirt up. “Let us take care of you for a little while, Becks. Just a little while.”

Becker was torn. He didn’t want to be disloyal to Abby, but they didn’t seem to think it’d be cheating, and if they didn’t think it, then... oh, hell with the thinking. He shrugged his shirt off and tossed it aside.

“Conn, take care of him for a moment,” Danny said, stepping back. “I need to get something.”

Connor moved in front of Becker, sliding a hand down Becker’s pants to wrap a hand lightly around the other man’s growing erection. “With pleasure,” he murmured, stroking gently at the same time as he used his other hand to push Becker’s pants and underwear down. “Believe me, with pleasure.”

Becker bit back a moan and shuddered against Connor’s hand. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Connor said, vulnerability creeping into his eyes now. “I want to, though. We want to.”

“Good to know,” Becker said, letting out a moan. “Just wanted to make sure you knew.”

Connor could live with that. Becker wouldn’t have been Becker if he didn’t show concern for the other person.

“Well, rest assured,” he said, kneeling slowly. “I know and I appreciate the concern, but really, Becks, I want to be doing this right know.”

Becker whimpered and looked down at Connor, running a shaky hand through the other man’s hair. “This, too?”

“This, too,” Connor agreed with a smile before taking Becker’s cock lightly in hand again and leaning in to dart his tongue against the tip.

Becker let his hand tangle in Connor’s hair lightly. “God, you’re beautiful like this,” he whispered.

“What, on my knees and willing?” Connor grinned.

“Yes.”

That made Connor whimper. Instead of saying anything else, he turned his attention back to Becker’s cock and the way he’d been slowly taking it into his mouth.

Danny had come back to the room just in time to see Connor taking Becker into his mouth; distracted by the sight, all he could do for a moment was watch and bite back a moan. “Jesus, that’s perfect.”

Becker turned his head slightly, looking at Danny. The other man had removed his clothes in the time between leaving the room and coming back; anything Becker might’ve wanted to say went right out of his head when he realized that Danny was naked.

Naked and pressing up against him from behind, the next thing he knew. Pressing up against him at the same time Connor was working on him, and oh God they were going to kill him with this he just knew it.

“Wanted to do this right,” Danny said as he uncapped the bottle of lube and slicked himself up. “Nothing but the best for you, Becks.” He managed to set the bottle aside before he was pressing against Becker again. “You deserve the best.”

Becker just pressed back against Danny impatiently. “Please?” His voice wasn’t quite a whisper as he didn’t quite beg.

“I like hearing you say that.” Danny grinned, pushing forward slowly. “I could get used to that.”

At that moment, with Danny pushing inside him slowly and Connor working him deeper into his throat, Becker would have promised them anything. As it was, he wasn’t capable of actual speech so much as it was a keening whimper. He leaned forward slightly, bracing himself against the wall.

Danny rested his hands on Becker’s hips, controlling how fast he was entering him. He wanted to just drive himself into the other man without a thought, but this was the first time for Becker. He had to be gentle.

Well, reasonably so, at any rate.

Connor hummed around Becker as he deepthroated him. He couldn’t say he’d thought about doing this, exactly, but he couldn’t think of a thing he would rather be doing at the moment. And judging by the sounds the other two men were making, he was pretty sure they were in agreement.

“Fucking perfect,” Danny hissed as he thrust slowly. “You feel brilliant, Becks.”

“Not Becks,” Becker managed with what little coherent brainpower he had left. “Hilary.” If they were going to shag him, they were damn well going to call him by his first name.

“Hilary, then,” Danny agreed, pressing a kiss to Becker’s shoulder. “Our Hilary. We said we’d take care of you, didn’t we? And we are.”

“Uh-huh,” Becker agreed, bucking his hips against Connor’s mouth and then going still, afraid it’d been too much. Judging by the startled but very satisfied sound that came from Connor, though, he didn’t need to worry.

And that was the last time he was aware of anything much. The rest of it was just flashes -- Connor humming around his cock, Danny’s nails dragging sharply down his back. He refused to focus on anything for fear that it would all slip away and he’d be stuck with the aftermath of a dream.

“That’s it, Hilary,” Danny encouraged, his voice tight. “That’s it, love. Let go. You’re so close, we can tell.”

Connor nodded slightly in agreement, the slight movement doing the most interesting things to Becker’s nerves.

And it was those things that sent Becker over the edge feeling as though he were flying, moaning their names and pushing back against Danny, desperate for the other man to come -- desperate to know that Danny had enjoyed this, that it hadn’t been a pity shag.

Danny came right after, with a moan of his own and another sharp drag of his nails down Becker’s back, hard enough that Becker would have trouble moving for a few days.

“I... that...” Words. Becker knew what those were. Really he did.

“Yeah,” Connor agreed as he sat back, licking his lips and smiling cautiously.

“Thank you, both of you.”

Connor tensed slightly and fought it off. “For what?”

“For wanting to take care of me.” Becker gave Connor a very lazy, very sated smile.

Connor couldn’t help but relax. “I told you to let us take care of you.”

“I did, and you did,” Becker said, turning slightly to look at Danny and wincing slightly from the movement. “You did a number on my back, Quinn.” He gave the other man a teasing grin. “I fully plan on paying you back in kind someday.”

“I can’t wait.” Danny just grinned. Maybe there were things still to be settled between the three of them, and maybe there were still issues for the three of them, but for the moment everything was perfect.




Chapter Eleven || Chapter Thirteen


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