Asunder 3/5

[deeperwonderment]

Title: Asunder
Author: shadowcat
Rating: NC-17 For This Chapter
Word Count: 33,279
Fandom: Original Work
Characters/Pairings: Jhaidan Matthews/Reid Jacobs
Challenge: Written for angstbigbang
Summary: Once upon a time, Romeo met Juliet and they thought they were soulmates that would be together forever. Then Juliet did something that Romeo disapproved of and Juliet disappeared. Thirteen years later, Romeo has turned into the Big Bad Wolf and he's going to make Juliet regret breaking his heart. Or something like that. Reality being that after a fight where her boyfriend told her she shouldn't come around for awhile, eightteen year old fantasy writer Jhaidan took him further than his word and left town without a word to anyone -- including him. Thirteen years later, Reid is the most powerful man in the state and when their paths cross once again, Reid is going to make Jhaidan regret ever running away like she did.
Disclaimer: The characters and world belong to me. Maggie Grace and Naveen Andrews belong to themselves.
Author's Notes: I've wanted to write this story for awhile and am relieved that I fnally did so. Thanks to everyone who kept pushing me to finish it and special thanks to enochiansigils for refusing to let me drop out no matter how worried I got about writing original fiction for the first time in years.








Reid smiled slightly as he looked down at where Jhaidan had fallen asleep on the loveseat of her hotel suite. Well, at least he knew that she hadn't tried running away again. He reached down and gently removed his business card from her hand and tossed it onto the dresser. Shaking his head, he gathered her up in his arms and moved through the suite to the bedroom. He laid her on the bed and returned to the outer room to lock the door---after putting the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the outside. He didn't want any interruptions.

He turned down the lights and moved back into the bedroom. He leaned against the wall and watched Jhaidan sleep. He had missed her more than he was ready to ever admit to her. Part of what he had missed between them was the times like this --- when she was sleeping. When Jhaidan was sleeping, all of her attitude and masks were stripped away. At times like this, she was simply the beautiful woman that he had always loved and not the person that she thought everyone was expecting her to be. When they had down time where it was only the two of them, she used to let down all of her barriers and just be herself. He had treasured those times because it showed that she trusted him – or so he had thought back then.

So now he was faced with a dilemma.

He could just leave her to sleep through the night and make sure she showed up at his place tomorrow night -- full of apologies because she had failed to make the meeting he'd ordered her to. Because he had no doubt that she would show up and be apologetic about missing it. Her guilt complex was too ingrained into her psyche for her not to be.

Or...

Or, he could stay right here to guarantee that she didn't take this chance to prove him wrong about how well he knew her to disappear again like she had done thirteen years ago. After all, there was the chance that her guilt wasn’t quite as raw as he had assumed when he saw her this afternoon.

Reid frowned, not liking the path that his thoughts were taking. Nor did he like the fact that it was completely possible that Jhaidan might be foolish enough to try to leave without speaking to him for a second time.

She couldn’t just leave again. He wasn’t going to let the jaguar go until he had gotten some satisfactory answers from her. Knowing their history, that could take some time since the last time that they had discussed anything it had led to the situation that he was currently angered about. He wasn’t ready to let her make the first move when he was no longer as sure that he knew her so well.

His decision made, Reid strode forward and stretched out on the bed next to his sleeping Jaguar. He drew her to him and smiled when she curled into him. Even if she wouldn’t admit to it, her subconscious certainly remembered how well they had fit together.

So he was just going to play to her subconscious, he decided, shifting a hand to rest on her hip as he tugged her closer still. When she didn’t pull away, only made a soft noise and shifted closer, he knew he’d made the right decision.

He let his hand slip up higher, skimming under her shirt to slide along the skin of her side. She made a curious almost cooing noise that he took as incentive to slide his hand up to graze the side of her breast. He’d missed touching her, missed it more than he wanted to admit at the moment. The moment wasn’t about acknowledging his own wants and feelings, it was about proving something to her.

And if he got enjoyment out of it, so much the better.

He shifted back slightly, enough to be able to get a hand to curve over her breast, cupping gently but dispassionately for the moment. He wasn’t acknowledging his own interests in the matter -- yet, anyway. For now, it was all about her... even if she would probably argue with him on that.

The thought brought a smile to his lips and had him shifting his head, tilting slightly so that he could brush a feather-light kiss to her lips. Even in her sleep, she shifted her head to return the kiss. He deepened it for a second and pulled back, rolling her onto her back.

God, she was beautiful. Beautiful and his, for all she’d deny it. But they had a bond that couldn’t be broken, even if it’d been strained nearly to the breaking point. And a bond that hadn’t been broken could be strengthened again, even if it wasn’t likely to be an easy task. Reid wasn’t a man afraid of challenge; he hadn’t gotten where he was in life by being averse to it, either. He liked a good challenge, when it came right down to it.

“You’re mine,” he whispered, his voice soft and carefully modulated. “You’re mine, Jhaidan, and you always will be. You’re never going to run from me again. I’m going to make you want to stay.”

Not manipulatively -- at least, not the way he saw it, though she’d likely argue if she were awake enough to -- but by waking up the side of her that she’d fought so hard to shut away. Waking up her desire for him would be easy enough, and if he could remind her of the way things had once been...

He ducked his head, pressing a kiss to her ear and tracing his tongue along the delicate outer edge. “Mine,” he whispered against her ear, gratified to hear a soft whimper. “Mine.”

He slid his hand under her shirt again, finding it easy to get her shirt tugged up; getting it off her took a little more work and a great deal more finesse to manage it without waking her up, but he did it, bra following shortly thereafter.

And then he was free to admire her upper half in all its glorious beauty. Her body had changed in the past dozen or so years, but time had been good to her, he noted. It had been very, very good to her. She was a little thinner that he would have liked, but for the most part, she was perfect.

This didn’t surprise him in the least.

He shifted position slightly on the bed, dropping feather light kisses along the swell of her breasts. Jhaidan stirred slightly in her sleep; Reid captured a nipple between his lips and sucked gently, even as he moaned around her.

One of Jhaidan’s hands came up to run through Reid’s hair; he took that as encouragement to keep going; keep going he did, bringing his hand up to cup the other breast, kneading gently as he sucked at her nipple. He’d missed this, missed being with her, and he couldn’t keep denying that or hiding behind his anger so he wouldn’t have to face the fact. Doing those things hadn’t helped him any and it wouldn’t help him now. Wouldn’t help him make her want to stay.

Wouldn’t help him make her stay.

He tugged gently at her nipple with his teeth, and then not so gently.

That would be when Jhaidan’s eyes flew open. “Reid, what the fuck?” she spat angrily, fisting her fingers in his hair and tugging hard at it, though not hard enough to pull him away. “Get off me!"

“Why?” he countered, lifting his mouth from her breast. “Why, when we both know you enjoy what I’m doing to you.”

She would have liked to argue with him, but she couldn’t deny that she had missed feeling his hands on her.

“Because I have never once engaged in hate sex, Reid.” She was surprised by how even her voice sounded.

“First time for everything, then.” He ducked his head again, teasing her nipple with his tongue.

Jhaidan tried very hard not to react when he did that. In fact she was trying to hold her entire body stiff, not completely willing to give into him. She pressed her lips closed, her hands curling into fists at her sides.

There it was, that whole challenge aspect again. He knew that it would show up sooner rather than later with her.

“Come on, love,” he murmured. “You know you want to.” He let his other hand slide down from her breast to rest against her stomach.

“You don’t know as much about me as you think,” she said, but she didn’t push him away and she couldn’t help the way her breathing changed when he moved his hand.

“Tell me you don’t want me right now,” he said, letting his fingers slide over her stomach. “Make me believe it and I’ll stop.”

He was a bastard and he knew it as well as she did.

“I don’t want you, Reid,” she said, but her voice shook slightly when his hand moved.

He knew it, but he didn’t much care at the moment. Maybe later.

“Oh, that didn’t sound convincing,” he teased, letting his hand slide lower to dip below the waistband of her pants. “I think these need to come off.”

Jhaidan bit her lip to keep from saying anything, but she couldn’t help the way her body moved towards his hand.

He shifted, tugging her pants down slowly. If she wanted him to stop, she’d get plenty of opportunity to be convincing. He wasn’t stopping unless she was convincing, damn it. He might be a bastard, but he wasn’t that much of one.

“Why are you here?” It seemed as good of a question as any as she fought to keep the way he had always made her feel buried deep within her mind.

“Making sure you don’t disappear on me again,” he said, a slight growl in his voice as he divested her of the remainder of her clothing.

“So you broke into my hotel room to seduce me into obeying you?”

Her breath caught at the difference in the growl from earlier in the day and the one that was in his voice now. Damn it, hadn’t that changed in the last decade? Hadn’t she worked up enough of a resistance to his voice? Better yet, why hadn’t he forgotten how to play her with just his voice?

“Something like that,” he said, not sounding regretful in the least as he moved off the bed to start removing his own clothes. He was going to use every tool at his disposal to keep her where he wanted her, voice included.

She knew in the back of her mind that she should use this time while he was distracted by his own clothes to make a break for the robe and for the door to the rest of the suite. In fact, she started to move that way, even though her eyes didn’t move from his body as it was revealed.

“Oh, you don’t really want to do that,” Reid said, his voice soft and warm. “You’re curious about what it’d be like, if it’d still be the same after all these years.” And then he was moving towards her.

“What, are you a mind reader now?” She challenged him, trying to not pay too much attention to his voice.

“No, I just know you,” he said, knocking her back down onto the bed. “I know you can’t help but wonder. You’re trying to fight it, but don’t. You don’t need to.”

“What makes you think you know what I need or don’t need?”

“I can see it on your face. You’re torn.”

“I’m not torn,” she lied. “I’m just trying to decide if I should knock you out first or just walk away.” If by knocking out she meant laying there and watching him.

“You wouldn’t do that,” he challenged. “You don’t want to hurt me like that.” He joined her on the bed, pushing her onto her back.

There was that guilt card again.

She let him push her down on her back, her eyes never leaving his face. “I’ve hurt you plenty already, haven’t I?” That phrase would have sounded harsher if her voice hadn’t broken while trying to say it.

“Exactly,” he agreed, managing to keep his voice even. “You don’t want to hurt me any more than you already have. That’s not the kind of person you are, Jhaidan.”

“Things have changed, Reid,” she said quietly. “You don’t know anything about me any longer; and I know almost nothing about you.”

That wasn’t stopping her from watching the way he moved. His body was even more beautiful than she had remembered it. Time had made his slimness into more tautness than simply slim. She could see the different muscles in his chest and arms as he moved. Thirteen years had done some excellent work on him -- and she knew that it was natural because Reid never would have had any doctors add anything to his appearance. He had always been strong, but she couldn’t help imagining how much stronger and determined those arms would be around her now.

She couldn’t help remembering with some sadness how it used to feel to be held close to his chest with his arms locked around her. Whether they were just being together or he was trying to hold her back from getting into some kind of trouble, his arms had been one of those things that she had always known would be there for her.

Until the night he sent her away, that was, and then everything had changed between them.

He moved over her, pinning her down with his body. “You want this, Jhaidan. You may not like me right now, but you still want this. You still want me and what I can do to you. I can tell. I know all the signs.” He ducked his head and kissed her fiercely.

Jhaidan whimpered against his mouth when he did that, but it was because he was right. She didn’t like the way he barreled into her life and started ordering her around, but damn it, she wanted him badly. She hated him almost for knowing that about her, but she couldn’t lie and tell him that she didn’t want his hands on her.

“That’s it, love,” he murmured, settling against her and kissing her again. “Let me hear the little noises. All the little noises you used to make, that you still want to make.”

She made a soft sound, opening up more with his second kiss. “This isn’t right. You don’t even like me any longer.”

“Liking someone has precious little to do with fucking someone sometimes.”

That hurt her a lot deeper than she thought it had any right to. “So it’s going to be angry hate sex between us now?”

“You underestimate the draw of good angry sex.”

“Never had good angry sex,” she murmured as she tried not to acknowledge how perfect she was beginning to feel with his body close to hers. “Never had angry sex at all.”

“There’s a first time for everything.” He nipped sharply at her lower lip, one hand wandering lazily up and down her side. “Come on, you know you want to. You can’t deny you’re thinking about what it’d be like to be with me again.”

“If I tried to deny that then I really would be a liar,” she managed to get out as his teeth and then his hand worked in conjunction to distract her. “I wondered what might have change with your technique and what it would be like as we got older.”

“So why not take this chance to find out?” He was already nudging her legs apart, but that was where he stopped for the moment. As unhappy as they were with each other, he was going to make his moves carefully and deliberately. He was going to take her and make her his again, but he wasn’t going to force her. This much would be her own willing choice.

Jhaidan bit her lip, trying to keep her moan of desire silent. However, there was no denying how much she really did want him when she moved her legs slightly more apart for him. This was going to destroy her when it was over, but damn it, for this moment, she wanted so much to feel his hands and mouth all over her body. She wanted to feel him driving her crazy with all of the little tricks he had once used on her to drive her insane.

No matter how much that it would break her after all of this was done, she wanted him and she hated herself for wanting and needing him so much right now.

“That’s it,” he breathed, positioning himself against her and pushing forward but not quite entering her yet. “That’s it, love. You know you want me. Let me hear you.”

“Reid...” Her body was already trembling from him being so close and her hips moved against him. She lifted an arm to reach to him. “Please.” She was close to begging for him, but right now she was past caring. That was a worry for later or tomorrow.

That was all he needed. He snapped his hips forward sharply, sheathing himself in her in one swift thrust.

Jhaidan yelped softly, caught by surprise with his new technique. As her body adjusted to the feel of him within her after so long -- she had almost forgotten how big he was -- her hands wandered slowly along his back, tracing along the new muscles she could feel moving beneath his skin.

He bit the inside of his cheek to stifle a groan at the feel of her hands roaming his back. He’d missed that, even if he didn’t want to admit to it.

She shivered against him, not quite able to believe that they were doing this again. She had missed being connected with him. She had missed so much about their lovemaking that she had never allowed herself to think about once she was gone from his life.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asked against her ear, his voice almost a purr.

“Yes,” she whimpered, admitting how good it did feel to have him inside her like this. Part of her hated the fact that he could get her to react so easily and so quickly. The other pare of her just wanted to shut off her mind and enjoy this.

“Feels right.” It felt like he was home, in a strange way that he didn’t understand but certainly wasn’t going to argue with. Kissing her with a surprising gentleness, he began moving against her.

The gentleness confused her and she didn’t know how to react to it. When he started moving against her and into her, she couldn’t silence the moan that was drawn from her throat.

“That’s it,” Reid said, picking up his pace. “That’s more like it. Let me hear you.” There was more than a hint of command in his voice.

“Goddess,” she moaned, twisting up against him. “I forgot how this felt -- forgot how big you were.”

“But you like how big I am,” he reminded her. “You never used to complain about it before.”

“Not complaining,” she defended herself. “Remembering … adapting.”

He grinned and thrust again, harder this time.

Jhaidan made a louder whimpering sound as she felt her body lifting up to meet his thrust.

“Don’t hold back,” he said in response to her louder noise. “I don’t want you to hold back.”

“You don’t get to tell me how to react,” she challenged him even as her body trembled against his skin.

“I’m the one fucking you, I think I get to have a say in things.”

Jhaidan growled at him as she raked her nails down his back. “You don’t have to be such a bastard about it.”

She was rewarded with his indrawn breath.

“You used to like when I was a bastard sometimes.” He had been able to be a bastard at times, but of course, he’d rarely aimed it at her back then.

“Sometimes did not include when we were in bed.” He’d never been a bastard to her until that last night.

“What did you like about it?” he asked, even as he thrust again. Yes, he was playing dirty by trying to make her think while in the middle of sex; no, he didn’t much care.

“You were so fierce and commanding.” She figured that she could admit that since she didn’t plan to see him again in a few days.

“You like fierce, huh?” He punctuated the sentence with a particularly forceful thrust.

Jhaidan let out a sharp gasp, but her hands flexed against the muscles in his shoulders.

“You liked that?” he asked, even though he knew the answer full well already.

“I have always liked it when you were dominant and forceful,” she gasped, lifting her body against his.

“Well, then, you should love this.” He picked up his pace a little, determined to drive her crazy before she came. Not that he was going to let her come easily, that wasn’t part of this game plan. He wanted to hear her beg.

She grasped his shoulders, making soft, whimpering sounds in her throat. She hated that he knew how to work her body so well, but on the other hand she had missed him quite a lot.

As she clung to him, he thrust harder, settling into a rhythm of slow, deliberately hard thrusts. As much as he wanted to just let go and go at her until she was screaming his name, he had to think of her. He had to think of how long he could keep her going before she wouldn’t be able to even think about leaving him again.

Jhaidan was having a hard time controlling both her thoughts and her reactions to what Reid was doing. She found herself moving more in rhythm with him and whimpering his name.

“I don’t want you to whimper,” Reid murmured in her ear. “I want you to plead, cry, scream. I want you to beg.” His movements took on a nearly frantic quality at that.

Why? She didn’t ask him, but the thought did cross her mind. “I never beg.” Her words were belied by the fact that her body was moving just as frantically against his.

“You will by the time I’m done,” he said, his words not quite a gasp. He let one hand grip her hip tightly, almost painfully, while the other hand touched her face with a gentleness that was at odds with the rest of what he was doing to her. “I promise you, you’ll beg, Jhaidan.”

It was the gentleness that confused her -- and also reminded her of how it used to be between them. That was the only reason that she could explain the fact that the next time she said his name she could hear the longing in her own voice. It was a longing that she had sworn never to let anyone know she felt.

He picked up on the longing, even if he didn’t quite understand what it was exactly. He kissed her again, deeply, drawing it out until they both needed to breathe -- and when they parted for breath, it was only long enough to snatch a quick gasp of air before he was kissing her again with that same ferocity. He had her back in his arms again, sharing a bed; at least for the night, he was damn sure not going to let her go.

She ran her hands thorough his hair, kissing him back with a ferocity that bordered on desperation -- and there was a trace of desperation that accompanied some of her actions. As he continued to kiss her, she tangled her legs around his, pressing herself as close to his body as she could. They still seemed to be able to fit together the same way that they had long ago, even with all of the changes in both of them.

There might have been changes, but one thing was still very much the same -- they fit together as though they’d been made for each other, and Reid liked to think they had been made for each other. He shuddered when she ran her hands through his hair, a pleasant sort of shudder that traveled through his body and that she could probably feel.

“Goddess,” she murmured, moving her mouth to kiss along his throat. “Goddess, Reid...”

He groaned softly and tilted his head so she could have better access.

She gave up fighting against the wants of both her body and her soul as she started leaving a trail of kisses along his neck, nipping slightly every so often.

“Perfect,” he said with a loud, unrepentant groan. “Absolutely perfect, Jhaidan.”

For the moment, she could believe that he meant it. She pulled back from his neck to kiss him. This time it was she who took the initiative.

His response was happily surprised, content little groan as he returned the kiss.

Jhaidan deepened the kiss, her hands running through his hair and down to the back of his neck.

He shivered when she touched the back of his neck.

She broke the kiss, letting her forehead rest against his as she fitted her body along his again.

“You feel so good,” he murmured. “So amazing. So perfect.” It was almost scary how well they still fit together, but it was the most wonderful kind of scary imaginable.

She was surprised that he thought so, especially since she was feeling the same way. She hadn’t felt this perfect and complete for a very long time. In fact, she was sure she hadn’t felt this way since the last time they had been together.

He couldn’t help but feel that way, though, with her beneath him and reacting the way he’d missed, the way she’d reacted only in fantasy up to this point.

She arched her hips against him. “Reid …”

“Yes?” he murmured.

She didn’t have words to explain everything she was feeling -- and everything she was afraid of. She wanted to lose herself in him and she was terrified to at the same time.

Reid didn’t push her to speak, just kept up his almost frantic pace against her, a pace that couldn’t and wouldn’t last much longer at the rate they were going.

Her fingers traced their way down his spine, enjoying the feel of his body beneath her hands. Her hands went lower until she was holding onto his hips as she lifted to meet each of his thrusts.

“Oh yes,” he managed with what little coherency he had left at the moment. “That feels good, love.”

“You always knew how to make me fly,” she responded, holding onto him. Her body trembled against his as all of her nerves started to feel like they were short-circuiting her brain.

“Hopefully I haven’t lost that skill with all the years gone by.” There was no condemnation in his voice, though, just a lightly teasing note.

“I don’t think that’s possible, love,” she whispered.

“Well, we’ll find out.” He kissed her, nipping sharply at her lower lip, determined to push her over the edge before he could even let himself think of coming. He’d wanted her to beg, yes, and he still did. But at the same time, he was determined that this was going to be as enjoyable as possible. He had the whole night with her, after all.

Jhaidan moaned softly against his mouth when he did that. There were so many things that crossed her mind to say, but she pushed them all down. They didn’t seem appropriate right now.

“Love your mouth.” It was inane, but it was what she was feeling.

“Well, I’m rather fond of yours, so we’re even.” He smirked against her lips. “Fond of what you used to do with your mouth, too.”

She shuddered and then whimpered at the reminder. It had been something that she loved doing to him when they were together.

“I always loved it when you had me in your mouth, you know,” he said. “It was one of my favorite things.”

She trembled again. “It was one of mine, too.”

“And you were always so into it. I loved that, too.”

“Of course I was into it,” she murmured. “It made you feel good.”

“Just like you’re into this, right now.”

“You’re driving me insane,” she admitted.

“I always did like driving you insane,” he said, smirking slightly as he moved against her. “It always got me such pleasant results.”

“I wanted to make you fly like you made me fly,” she said, closing her eyes with the memories.

“And you did, love.” He kissed her almost gently. “You always did.”

“That’s good to know.” It was nice to know that not all of his memories of her were the bad ones. “I liked making you feel as good as you made me feel.”

“And I just liked making you feel good, period.”

“Amazing,” she corrected. “You made me feel amazing, Reid. You always knew just how to touch me and get everything to react.”

“Hopefully time hasn’t dulled that ability.” Again, there was no condemnation in his voice -- after all, this wasn’t the time for that. They could have that argument later. Now was all about making her realize just how much she’d missed him, and an argument certainly wouldn’t do that.

No, an argument would most certainly not do that. All an argument would do was get her temper up and cause her to try to pull back into herself again. He didn’t want to chance that, yet. It was too soon and she was still too capable of reacting in a way differently than what he was aiming for.

“Not dulled at all from where I am.”

“And I’ll trust your judgment on that,” he said with a teasing laugh.

“That’s a good choice,” she nodded, pulling him closer.

“I am capable of those on occasion.” The lightness, the banter, it was almost like things had been between them before.

“I’m fond of those,” she said with a gentler smile than she had shown him thus far.

“I imagine you are.” He kissed her again and thrust harder, determined that she’d come first.

She keened softly in her throat, arching up into him.

“That’s it,” he murmured encouragingly. “That’s it, Jhaidan.”

“Reid,” she whimpered. “Oh goddess, Reid!”

“Oh, yes,” he said. “That’s it exactly. Let me hear you, love. Let me hear you.”

She squirmed beneath him, her body shaking as her hands moved frantically along his back and shoulders. “Reid!”

“Let go,” he murmured in her ear. “Let yourself go and fly, Jhaidan.”

Jhaidan didn’t really have a choice in the matter. The force of his thrusts partnered with his voice against her ear caused her to find herself spiraling downward into light and color. When she came, her voice was sobbing out his name against his neck as she clung to him.

Reid managed through sheer force of will to hold on through her orgasm; only when she’d started sobbing his name did he let himself come with a cry.

She was still too out of it to do anything but hold onto him, and when she felt him coming, her arms tightened around him even more.

“Perfect,” was all he could say. “Just perfect.”

She nodded, trying to get herself back under control.

He kissed her tenderly, but with an undercurrent of fierceness to it. He had to give her time to recover, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be making his next move at the same time. Keeping her off kilter was integral to what he was trying to do. Keeping her senses in a haze of pleasure would keep her from running away again.

Jhaidan made a soft noise into the kiss and then was kissing him back.

“I want you again,” Reid murmured. “I want to take you again and again tonight, until you’re too tired to stay awake any longer.” He wasn’t going to lie to her about it.

“That sounds amazing,” she said, taking a breath.

“Up for a try?”

She nodded, not having the words at the moment.

He just grinned, feeling himself already starting to harden again inside her.

She had always been amazed by how quickly Reid recovered and she was no less amazed tonight. She shifted, closing her eyes as she felt him.

“Tell me what you want,” he said, his voice not quite demanding. “Tell me what you’ve missed.”

Jhaidan stiffened slightly. “You’ll laugh at me.”

“I would never laugh at you.” And even if it was something that might make him laugh, he’d damn well keep it locked in his head.

She swallowed hard. “I’ve missed when you would get so unrestrained that you would hold me down.” Her voice came out in a quiet whisper. “Dominant. Possessive.”

He groaned softly. “Then you’re in luck, because I’ve missed getting that way.”

“I loved when you would get like that and I felt …”

“You felt what?” he prompted, thrusting gently.

She gasped softly at the sensation, forgetting that she was trying to protect herself from getting hurt since this couldn’t last. “Like I belonged.”

“You did belong.”

She closed her eyes, not wanting to answer that with an honest thought because she didn’t want to fight with him -- not right now.

“I always liked when you got like that. Everyone else scared me if they got rough and possessive, but you never did. It felt … it felt amazing when you did.”

“Because I never meant it to hurt you or scare you. Even if ever did, I never meant it to.”

“Reid, I loved it when you would get like that -- when you would just let go and be possessive and rough and claiming.” She swallowed. "When you would bite and claw and mark me."

What point was there to hiding everything he made her feel physically? She had one night with him -- one night -- and she was going to make sure it was one of the best nights that she would remember for as long as she possibly could.

“Then that’s how I’ll be now.” Not that it’d take very much for him to get to that point.

“You’re really okay with me wanting that?” She seemed relieved.

“Of course I am, love.”

She smiled shyly.

“That’s such a beautiful smile,” he murmured, thrusting slightly harder. “That’s such a damn beautiful smile.”

“I’m glad you think so.” She relaxed against the mattress, looking into his face.

“I don’t think so,” he corrected as he moved against her. “I know so.”

Jhaidan bit her lip, enjoying the feeling of him moving against her. She loved that he was saying these things, but she was trying to be very careful not to let them affect her.

Reid kissed her again, coaxing her lips apart.

She made a soft sound of pleasure and then let him part her lips as he wanted to.

“That’s it,” he encouraged. “That’s it...”

She whimpered, not knowing why, and kissed him back, melting against him.

He’d missed the way she melted against him, missed it more than he wanted to admit. So he didn’t admit it, not really. He just acknowledged it, pushed it aside, and turned his attention back to the woman beneath him.

She moved her leg to brush against his as she opened her eyes to look up into his face. She had never expected that they would ever be in this position again -- even if she knew that it wouldn’t last beyond this night.

He gave her a breathless smile. “You look surprised, love. Have I done something wrong?” He’d always been able to read her, even if he didn’t always get it entirely right on the first try.

“There is nothing wrong about any of this, Reid,” she assured him softly. “Just feels like I’m dreaming and that I can’t get enough of you right now.”

“You can have me all you like tonight,” he said with a decidedly mischievous grin.

“I thought you were going to have at me?” Her voice was soft, but teasing.

“No reason you can’t have a little bit of fun in all this, too,” he said reasonably.

“That will be a hell of a lot of fun for me.” Her voice was filled with sincerity and a longing that she wasn’t aware he could hear.

He heard it but didn’t call her on it. Instead, he just ducked his head to kiss her fiercely. “If it’s too much, tell me and I’ll switch things up.”

She nodded. “I’ll tell you, but I’m not worried. I’ve missed that for thirteen years.”

“Good to know.” He bucked his hips sharply against her.

Jhaidan moaned, her hips lifting to his.

“Let yourself go,” he said. “Be the wild, uninhibited girl you could sometimes be when we were younger.”

“I don’t remember how to be wild, Reid.” The admission was said softly as she ran her hands along his sides. It was true. After that last disastrous between them, she had trained herself not to be wild; she took great care to be cautious and careful.

“Then how about I help you figure it out?”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“And we’ll start by you not being afraid to let yourself react,” he said. “Don’t hold back.”

“But if I react and not hold back, doesn’t that change the desire of having you holding me down and just going at me?” The marks and bruises that would be left on her would give her very good memories about being with him for a long time.

“You just concentrate on reacting and not holding back,” he said firmly. “It doesn’t mean I won’t still be holding you down. Just means you might be struggling a little against me. Was always hot when you did that.”

She smiled and then nodded about what he was saying. “I’ll definitely do my best.”

“That’s all I ask.”

She nodded. “Show me that memory, Reid, please.”

“Whatever you say, love. Whatever you want.” He settled into a hard, fast rhythm, at the same time grabbing her wrists and moving to pin them above her head with one hand.

Jhaidan made the soft yelping noise that she discovered long ago he enjoyed as she felt him pinning her wrists to the bed.

“Oh, there we go,” Reid said, his eyes brightening a little. “That’s the noise I missed.”

“I’ve only ever made it with you,” she admitted -- even though she had no idea why she was telling him this.

“Good to know.” He grinned at her before kissing her again.

It was almost too easy for her to pretend that everything was all right between them and there wasn’t thirteen years of anger of possibly hatred that was weighing on them. Right now, it was just so easy for her to pretend that they were here like this because he loved her, and she was determined to hang on to that lie for as long as she could tonight.

He wasn’t thinking about things like who hated whom, he was just thinking about the fact that for the first time in over a decade, he had Jhaidan beneath him again. He’d missed it and he was damn well going to enjoy this.

He let his free hand slide up her side to cup a breast, kneading gently.

Jhaidan whimpered softly, pressing into his hand.

“You always did enjoy when I paid attention to your breasts,” he murmured.

“Very much so.”

“You know, I always wondered why that was,” he said almost conversationally.

“Because your hands and mouth felt amazing.”

“So did yours.”

“I just always loved being touched by you, Reid, in any way that I could.”

Reid said nothing, just slid his hand down her side to rest at her hip for a moment, fingers tightening as he moved harder against her.

Jhaidan’s whimpers turned to equally soft gasps, reacting with each and every thrust. “Goddess, Reid,” she managed after several attempts to find words that were more and more quickly eluding her with every passing moment.

“I always took care of you,” he said, a possessive growl in his voice. “In so many ways. Just like I’m going to take care of you now.”

Oh, she knew what he meant, knew that he didn’t mean it in the way she wanted him to mean it. But she could let herself pretend, couldn’t she? Of course she could.

For his part, Reid was trying to avoid focusing on anything except Jhaidan beneath him, on making her respond to him.

Jhaidan gasped again, her body twisting beneath his.

“Oh, that’s it,” he said with a breathless laugh. “That’s perfect, Jhaidan. Just like that.”

She did it again, this time tugging gently at her wrists.

“Oh, you’re not getting away,” he said, kissing her fiercely. “You’re not going anywhere, love.”

Jhaidan moaned softly into his kiss, returning it as best as she could.

“I don’t care if you do want to get away, it’s not happening.” Which was blatantly untrue, of course, but part of the fun had always been the intensity, the domination. The pretending that she didn’t have a choice when in fact she’d always had every choice.

“Wanna bet?” she challenged.

“Oh, where’s the fun in that?” Reid asked, giving her a faint smirk. “Besides, you know you like the struggle.”

She blushed, she did love the intensity that was between them and she loved the struggle and him winning.

“And I love the struggle, too,” he admitted. “It’s one of the hottest things in the world to have you writhing beneath me, struggling to get away.”

That caused her to moan softly again, and twist at her wrists.

“Nice try,” he chided, pressing her wrists down a little harder at the same time as he bucked his hips roughly.

Jhaidan whimpered, her own body lifting against his.

Reid groaned softly as he moved against her, his free hand once again wandering up and down her side before settling against her breast.

She sighed, pressing into his hand. She couldn’t believe how much she needed this -- needed him -- right now.

He couldn’t believe how much he needed her, either, or how much something as simple as the little sigh she’d just made could get to him.

“I need you so much.” She wasn’t aware that she had said the thought out loud as she moved against him.

He didn’t say anything, just lost himself in her for a while, thinking about nothing but the way it felt to be inside her, to be going at her relentlessly, to just be with her again.

Jhaidan made a soft noise and pulled at her arms as she tangled her legs with his.

Reid pulled his hand away from her wrists, only to quickly pin her wrists down with his other hand, newly free hand sliding teasingly over her side.

“Oh goddess,” she whispered as goose bumps rose on her flesh in the wake of his hand.

“Is that good?” he asked teasingly. “Or should I stop?”

She shook her head. “Don’t stop.” She hated that her voice came out in a whine, but she was pretty sure that she would break if he stopped touching her like this right now.

“Wasn’t really planning on it,” he confided in a mock secretive tone. “You know me. You know I’d never stop unless you asked for it.”

“I need you doing things to me so much and I don’t even understand why.” He hated her and she still needed him to slam her down on the bed and fuck her senseless. She wanted to fell his body in any way he wanted to come at her body.

“So don’t try and understand,” he said, his voice husky. “Just ride the pleasure of it all.” And he knew he was making her feel damn good. Arrogant? Perhaps. But Reid had always thought it wasn’t arrogance if you were just admitting to what was true.

Whenever his voice got husky like that in the past, Jhaidan had been doomed. She’d let him do anything he wanted to do with her and her body if he used that voice on her.

And Reid knew it, too, knew it and was determined to use it to his advantage.

Jhaidan shuddered, her body fitting up against his.

“It’s like you never left,” he said without thinking. “You still fit me just the way you always did.”

Jhaidan didn’t know what to say to that, so instead, she bucked her body up against his.

“That’s it,” he encouraged. “Let go and fly, Jhaidan. Let go and fly with me.”

“Show me how you can play my body, love,” she begged softly. “Tonight, I’m your instrument and your toy.”

“Don’t say it unless you mean it,” Reid cautioned.

“I mean it, Reid.”

“Because there are so many things I want to do to you, want you to do to me.”

“And I’m telling you, Reid. Do it.”

“Even if I make you suck me off?” The words were coarse, but he couldn’t help it.

She nodded. “Even if. I’m yours tonight, Reid. Your toy. Your instrument. Anything you want to make me do.”

He shuddered at that, ideas running through his mind.

“Please,” she whispered. “I want it as much as you need it.”

“In that case...” He thrust forcefully, roughly. “I’m going to make you come and then you’re going to take me in your mouth.”

Jhaidan moaned and then nodded as she wrapped her legs around him.

“I want you to taste our mingled tastes.” His voice was low and had a distinct growl to it. "Your tongue sliding along me."

Whether it was the growl or the images he was putting into her head, Jhaidan shuddered, arching up against him.

“I really do still affect you, don’t I?” he asked when she shuddered. “I love that, just so you know.”

“You do,” she whispered. “Oh god you do.”

“I hoped I might.”

Jhaidan bit her lip hard enough to draw blood in order to keep from saying any of the things to Reid that were swimming in her head.

He just kissed her, not caring about the blood. As he kissed her, he let himself go, thrusting as hard as he could manage. It’d probably hurt her, but he didn’t care at the moment. He’d care later.

She let out a soft cry, but her body arched up, taking him deeper into herself. She was going to be so sore tomorrow, but she was going to enjoy this night for as long as he would let her.

And since he planned on being utterly merciless, she’d be able to enjoy the night a good long while.

Jhaidan twisted her body beneath his, making soft sounds in her throat.

“Those are beautiful sounds you’re making, I hope you know.”

“You’re making me feel... you feel good, Reid.”

“So do you, love. Oh, so do you.”

“I never thought I’d get the chance to have you fucking me and dominating me again.”

“Well, you did and I am.” He gave her a faint smirk, slowing his thrusts down a little.

“Was afraid to even hope.”

“Never be afraid to hope.”

She couldn’t respond to that because she would tell him everything in her head and her heart and they just couldn’t deal with that. Instead she squirmed against him, moving her mouth to his ear.

“Know one of the things I remember very vividly?”

“No, what?”

“Your hand on my throat and neck.”

He grinned at that, sliding one hand up to her throat.

She shivered, pressing her throat more into his hand.

He kept his touch on her throat light for the moment, not wanting to go too far -- at least, not too fast. This had been one of his favorite things to do to her and he always did it right. That involved a certain amount of being careful.

Jhaidan met his eyes. She knew how much he had loved doing this to her in the past, and she had no problems letting him have complete control. It should have surprised her that she was giving herself over to him so easily, but she was trying not to think beyond the moment.

Reid gave her an encouraging smile and tightened his hand slightly on her throat. She might still enjoy this, but after thirteen years, there were some things you eased back into -- and this was one of them.

The soft intake of breath was a good indication of how he was already starting to affect her.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured. “That’s my beautiful girl.”

“Missed this.” Missed you.

“So did I,” he admitted.

“There have to have been other girls that enjoyed this with you.” There was no anger or mocking in her voice. She was honestly convinced that he had moved on and had other women like this.

“Not like this,” he said. “Other women, yes. Some of the things I’m doing to you currently, yes. But never my hand on their throat. That was ours.”

That was something she hadn’t expected and it touched her in a deeper way than she had thought it would. “I gave you my throat a long time ago,” she said softly. “It was always yours.”

“That means a great deal to me.”

That caught her off guard. “It does?”

“It does. Means it meant as much to you as it did to me.”

“It did. It meant very much to me.”

“I’m glad.” He let his hand tighten the slightest bit more against her throat. “Too much?”

“Never too much from you.” The honesty in her voice stunned her because she was trying so hard not to get too attached to what was happening.

“All right, then.”

She gave him a soft, encouraging smile as she bumped her hips up against him.

He groaned at that, hand pressing against her throat as he thrust harder once more.

This time she gasped, tightening around him. “Yes, oh yes.”

“Remember, stop me if it’s too much.” Because choking her was fun, choking her into unconsciousness was not.

“I will, but it will never be too much.”

What point was there to hiding everything he made her feel physically? She had one night with him -- one night -- and she was going to make sure it was one of the best nights that she would remember for as long as she possibly could. Tomorrow there would be fighting and consequences and anger between them. For tonight, she could pretend that nothing had changed and that she was still his and he was hers.

He was lost in his own pretending, because he was just as aware of their only having one night as she was. He had one night to try and make her understand, one night to try and seduce her.

“Please, Reid,” she finally whispered. There was no begging in her voice, just the awareness of the need she was feeling when it came to him. “I need.”

“Then you’ll have,” he said, moving against her almost urgently now.

Her movements were just as urgent and then she nipped him on the shoulder, trying to put her scattered thought into some kind of communication.

“What, love?” he asked. “Too much or not enough?”

“Not enough,” she whispered. “I want …” She wasn’t sure if he even cared what she wanted right now, but the needs of her body were getting her all confused. “I need my Master, with teeth and claws and throat...” Her whimpers were breathy and she closed her eyes, not sure if she had said too much.

His response was to press slightly harder against her throat even as he kissed her roughly. “Then that’s what you’ll have.”’

Jhaidan moaned, her body already starting to shiver at the tone of his voice.

“Always did love it when I could make you shiver,” he said with a laugh.

“Don’t tease,” she said with a soft plea in her voice as she tried to get closer to him.

“Oh, but it’s so much fun.” He was kissing her again even as he said it, though, and biting at her lower lip almost hard enough to draw blood.

The pain mixed with pleasure caused her to moan into his mouth as she arched her hips against him.

At her moan, Reid bit her lip again. He’d always loved when that pleasure-and-pain mixture got her to react; it was an entirely different kind of reacting, usually.

Jhaidan shuddered again, her entire body pressing up against his.

He stifled a whimper and instead settled for thrusting even harder. It was a pace and rhythm he wouldn’t be able to keep up for long; thankfully, however, they didn’t need very long.

Jhaidan whimpered, but she was already right on that edge again. She fought against it, but knew that she wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer.

“Stop fighting,” he murmured. He’d always been able to sense when she was holding herself back; now was no different.

“Seems wrong for me to come so quickly.”

“All that matters is that you’re enjoying it.”

“I’m enjoying the things you’re doing to me.”

“Who says I can’t keep doing them to you after you come?” he countered.

She whimpered, her body shuddering. “Good logic.”

“I have it on occasion, you know. More than occasion, really.”

She whimpered again, her body tensing against his.

“That’s it,” he murmured.

She managed to cry out his name once before she felt herself flying apart.

Reid kept moving against her even as she came.

She collapsed back on the bed, making whimpering noises.

He stilled against her and gave her a satisfied little smirk.

“You’re gloating,” she finally managed to say.

“Can you blame me?”

“Ask me tomorrow.”

“Will I get the answer I want?” Oh, Reid, be nice.

“Don’t.” There was a soft plea underlying the single word.

“Had to try.” And with that, he was ducking his head and kissing her.

She was happy to kiss him back. Losing herself in sensation with him meant that she could pretend that she wasn’t feeling any pain. It let her pretend that tonight was anything besides a convenient fantasy.

“Tell me what you want now,” he murmured against her lips.

“I told you,” she whispered.

“I want to hear you say it again. I like hearing you say it.”

Jhaidan swallowed hard. “I need my Master, with teeth and claws and throat...” She closed her eyes and then opened them again. “I want you to be dominant and rough like you used to sometimes.”

He pulled his hand from her throat, but only so he could duck his head and kiss her there, scraping his teeth along her skin.

Jhaidan whimpered, tilting her head so that he had complete access to her throat and neck.

Reid nipped carefully -- part of the excitement of playing with her throat, for him, had come with the exquisite care he had to take not to hurt her.

Jhaidan murmured his name softly as he did that.

He stifled a whimper and scraped his teeth along her throat again.

“Good,” she whispered. “Feels good.”

“I should hope so.”

She shivered, once more biting back things she wanted to say and instead letting her body show him how he was affecting her.

He let his hand slide almost lazily up and down her side as he nipped at her throat again.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow she could beat herself up for making herself this vulnerable to the way he made her feel both emotionally and physically. Tomorrow she would worry about the hurt she would be feeling when she returned home. Tonight, she was just going to let herself enjoy the intensity that she had missed.

Tomorrow was time enough for dealing with the reality of how they had ended up apart.

“God, I love that.” He chuckled lowly. “That reaction.” If he knew what she was thinking, he might not have felt that way, but since he didn’t... there you had it.

“I’m not supposed to want you like this anymore,” she whispered. “But I feel like I need you like I need the air to breathe, Reid.”

“Who says you’re not supposed to want me?” he challenged. “I want you. I’ve never stopped wanting you. By your logic, I should’ve stopped.”

She hadn't realized that she had spoken loud enough for him to hear her and when she heard what he said, she felt the burn of tears in her eyes. He hadn't wanted her. He had sent her away.

"Thirteen years," she managed to whisper, doing her best to hide the flash of hurt that his words had caused. "Thirteen years is a long time to still want someone."

“When have I never not thrown myself into doing something?” Reid pointed out. “You know me, Jhaidan.”

This was going to end badly, she could tell, and that’s why she started to pull away from him. “I used to know you or I thought I did.”

“Ssh,” he murmured, lips lingering at her throat. “Just let yourself enjoy the moment, love.”

“No matter what I say, you’re going to end up mad and I’m going to end up crying and hurting you somehow again,” she whispered, closing her eyes. A tear slid from the corner of her eye and down into her hair. “I don’t want to cause you pain again.”

She was fine with herself being hurt right now, but not the idea of hurting him.

“So don’t say anything,” he said. “Just enjoy the moment and face the rest later. I’m not going to be hurt if you just enjoy yourself for a while.”

Even as she nodded, another tear escaped her eye. She moved closer to him again, hesitantly wrapping her arms around him once more.

“Don’t cry, my love,” he murmured, moving against her slowly. “Please, don’t cry.”

“Trying not to,” she admitted, blinking her eyes. It just became harder when he called her by names she never expected him to use for her ever again.

“Tell me what I can do to make the tears stop,” he said, his voice soft as he kept his rhythm slow against her.

“Pretend,” she whispered softly. “Just pretend for right now that everything is like it used to be.”

“I can do that,” he said. “I can do whatever you want. I will do whatever you want.” He surrendered to her just as much as she surrendered to him.

Jhaidan swallowed. “Pretend you still want me and still love me,” she said in a faint whisper. “Save the yelling and the recriminations for another time and just … let’s just be Jaguar and her Lord.”

He would never know how much it had cost her to make that request. It was tantamount to giving him a blade to stick in her heart, but right now she didn’t care. She just wanted to pretend that everything was all right and that he really did just want her and not to prove a point or punish her.

He stilled against her. “You listen to me, Jaguar,” he said quietly. “I never stopped wanting you and I especially never stopped loving you. I was an idiot, yes. More than an idiot, in fact. But I never, ever stopped loving you.”

Whether she would believe him or not, he didn’t know. But he couldn’t let this go by without saying the words he’d wanted to say ever since... well, ever since shortly after she’d left. When he’d realized just how much of a fool he’d been.

Jhaidan felt the tears slide down into her hair again, but she wasn’t paying attention to that. Instead, she was pulling his head down so that she could cradle his face between her hands. Her kiss started out gentle, even a little hesitant. But she kept kissing him lightly, wanting to believe more than anything that this was real.

Reid returned the kiss every bit as lightly, wanting more than anything to deepen it but not wanting to move too fast for fear of ruining the fragile bridge the two of them had just built between their hearts once more.

She pulled back only far enough to look into his eyes. “I’m yours, Reid. Don’t hold back.”

“Just wanted to make sure it was what you wanted first,” he assured her before giving her a rough kiss and a sharp thrust of his hips.

“Yes,” she managed to whimper and nod. “It’s what I want... what I need from you right now.”

“Then whatever you need, I’ll give. I promise. Whatever you need, for as long as you need it... it’s yours.” He wanted her to forgive him for how cruel he had been in the past. He knew it wouldn’t happen immediately, or even overnight, but he still had to try making amends. He owed her the effort.

“Love me,” she whispered softly. “Take me.”

“I will,” he promised. “I will.”

“I want to feel like we’re a part of each other.”

“We are a part of each other,” he corrected as he bucked his hips harder.

She mewled softly in her throat, lifting to meet his hips against hers.

“That’s my love,” he said with a groan. “Oh, that’s my love.”

“Feels so good.” Felt so right.

“Feels like it’s what should be.”

“Wonderful,” she whispered.

“Perfect,” he corrected.

“Yes,” she admitted. She could do that, she’d already admitted to how much he was affecting her. “Perfect.”

He smiled at her as he moved against her. “It’s perfect because of you. Because you’re here with me again.”

She knew that he was saying what she wanted to hear from him, but she wished that it could have always been like this. She wished that he felt the things he was telling her. She wanted to be able to really be with him, but she knew that their time was past and she couldn’t reach for something that she could never have.

“Missed this,” he said, his voice quiet as he kissed her again. “Missed every single damn bit of this.”

“You did?” Her voice was soft, amazed. “I didn’t know.”

“I missed you, Jaguar.”

She closed her eyes, wanting so much to believe him, but the pain of being sent away was still a deep wound in her heart. However, that wasn’t going to keep her from admitting to the same thing.

“I missed you.”

“And now you don’t have to miss me again.”

Until tomorrow, but she didn’t say those words out loud.




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