'Til I Woke Up On The Concrete
Sep. 25th, 2012 12:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deeperwondermentTitle: 'Til I Woke Up On The Concrete
Author:shadowcat
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,134
Character(s): Mikaela Banes, Robert Epps, Ironhide
Fandom: Transformers (Bay)
Summary: Mikaela and Sam have broken up, leaving Mikaela feeling she has no place among the people she has called family for three years because of something Sam said during their fight. With no idea where she's really going, Mikaela leaves and just starts walking. Luckily, the Autobots and soldiers aren't having any of that.
Author's Note: Written for my![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
cottoncandy_bingo card, square sad/upset; as well as a song fic challenge going on with enochiansigils to the song Wide Awake by Katy Perry.
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn’t dive in
Wouldn’t bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
‘Til I woke up on
On the concrete…-- Katy Perry
Mikaela wasn’t even sure where she was going, but she knew she had to get away from here for awhile. The whole thing with Sam had gone so badly and she was sure that entire base heard their latest fight. Embarrassment was a stronger emotion than heartbreak – especially since she had known for awhile the break-up was coming. Something had gone very wrong in the relationship between her and Sam since Egypt and she finally admitted that she couldn’t fix it.
Some things just couldn’t be repaired. She should have been used to that in life by now, god knew she’d seen enough of it in her own life. But this thing with Sam hurt. She hadn’t realized how much she and Sam were growing apart. No, she’d been so focused on all of the things that Ratchet and Arcee were teaching her so that she could feel like she was of some use to the Autobots and the army guys in this war that the relationship with Sam was no longer at the forefront of her mind.
Her knowledge was supposed to bring her and Sam closer, not drive a wedge between them because she was working more and more with the guys and the robots.
A wedge that she didn’t know was widening until last night when she had found Sam kissing the new girl that had been on the most recent refugee bus that had stopped to get supplies at the base.
Several hours and several tears later and she was still walking in the same random direction she had headed out in when she left the base. She wondered how long it would be before anyone even realized she was gone. Would anyone come looking for her, or was she not a part of the team now that she and Sam had obviously parted ways?
That thought hurt a lot more than the break-up did. The ‘Bots and the army guys had become her family and she hated that she might lose them because she had ended things so vocally and finally with Sam.
Even if it had been the right thing to do.
She was pulled out of her dark thoughts by the sound of an engine and then by someone calling her name. She stepped off to the side of the road as a big vehicle pulled up beside her.
It was Ironhide, but his usual partner wasn’t in the driver’s seat. She shielded her eyes with her hand and was surprised to see Epps looking out the window at her.
Neither the ‘Bot or the human seemed all that happy.
“Mik…”
Mikaela tilted her head. “Epps.” She swallowed self-consciously. “Did you track me down to yell at me?”
“Aww, Mik. Why would I yell at you?”
“For leaving without telling us where she was going when she knows it’s dangerous out here,” Ironhide suggested. His tone was grumbly.
“I didn’t think I had a place back there any longer,” Mikaela said quietly, still looking up at the truck and passenger.
The look on Epps’ face would have been comical if Mikaela wasn’t feeling so bruised right now. She did, however, notice that the door on the other side of the truck immediately opened up.
“Get in, Mikaela,” Ironhide requested. “It will be easier for you to explain what you mean by that statement if you’re inside safe while we talk. I can keep you and Epps both protected this way if there’s an attack.”
It took Mikaela only a few moments to decide to take him up on his suggestion. She had been walking forever and she was tired. Plus, she wouldn’t want Ironhide to have a hard time keeping her and Epps out of the line of fire if Starscream or someone suddenly showed up to attack. That wouldn’t be fair to her friends. She climbed up into the cab and Ironhide closed his door gently behind her.
“You’ve been crying, Mikaela,” the truck said once she was inside and was leaning her head against the back of the seat.
“Yeah, Ironhide, I guess have been crying.”
“For the same reason you somehow managed to sneak off of a well-guarded military base in the middle of the night without anyone noticing you?” That was Epps.
Mikaela nodded, brushing her hair back from her face, frowning at how heavy it felt. She couldn’t recall how long she had been walking, but she would bet her two companions would know exactly how long she’d been making tracks away from the base.
“You’ve been gone for twelve hours Mikaela,” Ironhide told her. “Arcee was the one who was finally able to tell us which direction you had gone – though it would have made a lot more sense for you to have taken Arcee with you.”
“I didn’t think I had the right to work with Arcee any longer.”
“Arcee chose you and the two of you have bonded. You’re her human partner and where you go, she goes. That never changes until one of you meets their end.”
“Even if I have no place with you guys any longer?” Her voice came out more bitter than she’d intended it to. “Sam was the hero that you guys needed. He’s the one that had the key to find the Cube and he was the one that was able to find the secret to bring Optimus back to life. Sam was right in that I’m really only a part of the cadre and project because of him.”
Mikaela tried not to let them know how much that hurt her, but she knew Ironhide could probably read her body language and Epps would notice how hard it was to keep her voice level. The thought that Sam was right made her want to just bury her face in her hands and just cry for awhile until she had nothing left to give because she had always felt that she belonged with the Autobots and with the Special Forces team since all of this had begun. To have Sam rip it away from her like that was just too painful to deal with right now; maybe ever.
“You are mistaken in a great many things,” IronHide finally spoke. “As is Sam. You’re with us and will always have a place with us because of your own skills and merits. Your compassion and desire to learn how to help us makes you a valuable friend and asset for us to have.”
Epps reached across and laid his hand over Mikaela’s hand. “Mik, your place in this group isn’t contingent on you and Sam being together. You’ve earned your own place among us. Whether you and Sam come back together –“
“Not highly likely since he chose that blonde airhead to be with –“
“— we are still your home and your family.” Epps turned his head so that he could look into her eyes. “You’re ours, Mik, and we care about you. We want you to come back with us.”
“What will Optimus think about me coming back now that Sam has made it so clear that I’m not important?”
“You’re important to us, Mikaela,” Ironhide chided. “You’re one of our cadre. That is not something we say lightly. Optimus was concerned to find you missing.”
“What about the other guys, Epps?”
“Lennox sent me after you in order to get you back home where you belong.”
“Oh, is that all?” She closed her eyes wearily. “You guys came because you were sent.”
“No, Ironhide and I wanted to come,” Epps said quietly. ”Lennox wanted to have words with Sam over what he said, and I wanted to come with Ironhide to look for you. I don’t want you to leave, us Mik. I don’t want you to leave me.”
Mikaela lifted her head from the seat to look at him for a long moment. “Is this a game, Epps?” Her voice was soft.
“Not a game, Mikaela,” he said sincerely. “Next to my guys, you’re one of the best people I’ve ever worked with. I like your style and I enjoy spending time with you. I just always kept it casual since you and Sam were an item and there was a little bit of an age difference between us. I’ve never been one to poach another relationship, so, I kept quiet. But the age difference doesn’t matter since we’re always fighting for our lives and I decided I didn’t want to let something silly like a number be the reason I never said anything. More importantly than that, though, you’re someone I respect and I care about you. It’d be really bad for me if I lost you as my friend because you let yourself be chased away due to a misunderstanding of where you have a place or where you belong.”
“I don’t really know where I belong any longer,” She admitted, laying her head back against the seat again.
“With us.” Ironhide’s voice rumbled through the cab. “You’ll always belong with us, Mikaela. It’s not because of Sam that you’re part of us, but because of you and who you are. You earned your place among us with your own merits.”
“I just don’t know what to do, guys,” she admitted. “Sam took a cruel swipe at my pride over something that I had told him in confidence. He went on to make it seem that I’m lacking some kind of spark to connect with you guys the way he’s able to.”
“In that, Sam is wrong. There is nothing that you lack and Sam has more of when it comes to connecting and bonding with the Cadre,” Ironhide made a sound that could have been a sigh. “If you recall, after getting the All Spark to Optimus and saving the day, he wanted to just walk away and have it be that. He had won your heart and had an awesome machine as his friend and bodyguard, There was no reason for him to want to do anything else in his eyes. In fact, the last time right before Optimus died for that time, Sam told him that our fight wasn’t his war.”
“But it was our war… it *is* our war,” Mikaela argued. “This is our world and if Megatron and his cronies are going to keep fighting here and wanting to destroy us and our way of life, then we have to fight, too. It’s our world and our responsibility.”
“And now you know why you belong with us and will always have a place with our cadre and our family.” Ironhide rumbled, starting the engine,
“And you and the rest of the military guys, Epps?”
“We stand with the ‘Bots. You’re family to them and to us, Mikaela. Don’t let Sam being an idiot tear you down and make you walk away from those that want you with them and would have you as their bond mate, cadre, family or more. There’s a whole lot about all of this that Sam is wrong about and I’m sure that Lennox and Bumblebee and Optimus are telling him all about.”
“And a great many other things.” Ironhide said with a hint of anger in his voice.
Mikaela sighed, closing her eyes for a long time.
“Will you come back home, Mikaela?” Ironhide’s voice rumbled through the cab of the truck.
She only took a few seconds of silence to decide. “If you’re sure that I really have all of that belonging and place like you guys have been talking about since you found me, then I’ll come home.” She looked at Epps with a frown. “Though, if I find out that this was all just a bunch of pretty words to get me to come back and you now have to scramble to figure out what to do with me because Sam was right and there is no longer a place for me, I’ll leave and this time you won’t find me and I won’t come back.”
“That’s not even a worry,” Ironhide said as he turned around to head back to the base. “We’ve been completely truthful in what we’ve said and even now your bonded is waiting for you to have words with you. You suddenly being gone caused Arcee quite a bit of distress.”
“I’ll try not to let it happen again,” Mikaela murmured.
Epps wrapped an arm around her and pulled her toward him so she could rest her head against his shoulder.
“Rest, Mikaela. The last several hours have been hard on you. Things will look a little more clear after getting some sleep.”
Author:
shadowcatRating: PG
Word Count: 2,134
Character(s): Mikaela Banes, Robert Epps, Ironhide
Fandom: Transformers (Bay)
Summary: Mikaela and Sam have broken up, leaving Mikaela feeling she has no place among the people she has called family for three years because of something Sam said during their fight. With no idea where she's really going, Mikaela leaves and just starts walking. Luckily, the Autobots and soldiers aren't having any of that.
Author's Note: Written for my
cottoncandy_bingo card, square sad/upset; as well as a song fic challenge going on with enochiansigils to the song Wide Awake by Katy Perry.I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn’t dive in
Wouldn’t bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
‘Til I woke up on
On the concrete…-- Katy Perry
Mikaela wasn’t even sure where she was going, but she knew she had to get away from here for awhile. The whole thing with Sam had gone so badly and she was sure that entire base heard their latest fight. Embarrassment was a stronger emotion than heartbreak – especially since she had known for awhile the break-up was coming. Something had gone very wrong in the relationship between her and Sam since Egypt and she finally admitted that she couldn’t fix it.
Some things just couldn’t be repaired. She should have been used to that in life by now, god knew she’d seen enough of it in her own life. But this thing with Sam hurt. She hadn’t realized how much she and Sam were growing apart. No, she’d been so focused on all of the things that Ratchet and Arcee were teaching her so that she could feel like she was of some use to the Autobots and the army guys in this war that the relationship with Sam was no longer at the forefront of her mind.
Her knowledge was supposed to bring her and Sam closer, not drive a wedge between them because she was working more and more with the guys and the robots.
A wedge that she didn’t know was widening until last night when she had found Sam kissing the new girl that had been on the most recent refugee bus that had stopped to get supplies at the base.
Several hours and several tears later and she was still walking in the same random direction she had headed out in when she left the base. She wondered how long it would be before anyone even realized she was gone. Would anyone come looking for her, or was she not a part of the team now that she and Sam had obviously parted ways?
That thought hurt a lot more than the break-up did. The ‘Bots and the army guys had become her family and she hated that she might lose them because she had ended things so vocally and finally with Sam.
Even if it had been the right thing to do.
She was pulled out of her dark thoughts by the sound of an engine and then by someone calling her name. She stepped off to the side of the road as a big vehicle pulled up beside her.
It was Ironhide, but his usual partner wasn’t in the driver’s seat. She shielded her eyes with her hand and was surprised to see Epps looking out the window at her.
Neither the ‘Bot or the human seemed all that happy.
“Mik…”
Mikaela tilted her head. “Epps.” She swallowed self-consciously. “Did you track me down to yell at me?”
“Aww, Mik. Why would I yell at you?”
“For leaving without telling us where she was going when she knows it’s dangerous out here,” Ironhide suggested. His tone was grumbly.
“I didn’t think I had a place back there any longer,” Mikaela said quietly, still looking up at the truck and passenger.
The look on Epps’ face would have been comical if Mikaela wasn’t feeling so bruised right now. She did, however, notice that the door on the other side of the truck immediately opened up.
“Get in, Mikaela,” Ironhide requested. “It will be easier for you to explain what you mean by that statement if you’re inside safe while we talk. I can keep you and Epps both protected this way if there’s an attack.”
It took Mikaela only a few moments to decide to take him up on his suggestion. She had been walking forever and she was tired. Plus, she wouldn’t want Ironhide to have a hard time keeping her and Epps out of the line of fire if Starscream or someone suddenly showed up to attack. That wouldn’t be fair to her friends. She climbed up into the cab and Ironhide closed his door gently behind her.
“You’ve been crying, Mikaela,” the truck said once she was inside and was leaning her head against the back of the seat.
“Yeah, Ironhide, I guess have been crying.”
“For the same reason you somehow managed to sneak off of a well-guarded military base in the middle of the night without anyone noticing you?” That was Epps.
Mikaela nodded, brushing her hair back from her face, frowning at how heavy it felt. She couldn’t recall how long she had been walking, but she would bet her two companions would know exactly how long she’d been making tracks away from the base.
“You’ve been gone for twelve hours Mikaela,” Ironhide told her. “Arcee was the one who was finally able to tell us which direction you had gone – though it would have made a lot more sense for you to have taken Arcee with you.”
“I didn’t think I had the right to work with Arcee any longer.”
“Arcee chose you and the two of you have bonded. You’re her human partner and where you go, she goes. That never changes until one of you meets their end.”
“Even if I have no place with you guys any longer?” Her voice came out more bitter than she’d intended it to. “Sam was the hero that you guys needed. He’s the one that had the key to find the Cube and he was the one that was able to find the secret to bring Optimus back to life. Sam was right in that I’m really only a part of the cadre and project because of him.”
Mikaela tried not to let them know how much that hurt her, but she knew Ironhide could probably read her body language and Epps would notice how hard it was to keep her voice level. The thought that Sam was right made her want to just bury her face in her hands and just cry for awhile until she had nothing left to give because she had always felt that she belonged with the Autobots and with the Special Forces team since all of this had begun. To have Sam rip it away from her like that was just too painful to deal with right now; maybe ever.
“You are mistaken in a great many things,” IronHide finally spoke. “As is Sam. You’re with us and will always have a place with us because of your own skills and merits. Your compassion and desire to learn how to help us makes you a valuable friend and asset for us to have.”
Epps reached across and laid his hand over Mikaela’s hand. “Mik, your place in this group isn’t contingent on you and Sam being together. You’ve earned your own place among us. Whether you and Sam come back together –“
“Not highly likely since he chose that blonde airhead to be with –“
“— we are still your home and your family.” Epps turned his head so that he could look into her eyes. “You’re ours, Mik, and we care about you. We want you to come back with us.”
“What will Optimus think about me coming back now that Sam has made it so clear that I’m not important?”
“You’re important to us, Mikaela,” Ironhide chided. “You’re one of our cadre. That is not something we say lightly. Optimus was concerned to find you missing.”
“What about the other guys, Epps?”
“Lennox sent me after you in order to get you back home where you belong.”
“Oh, is that all?” She closed her eyes wearily. “You guys came because you were sent.”
“No, Ironhide and I wanted to come,” Epps said quietly. ”Lennox wanted to have words with Sam over what he said, and I wanted to come with Ironhide to look for you. I don’t want you to leave, us Mik. I don’t want you to leave me.”
Mikaela lifted her head from the seat to look at him for a long moment. “Is this a game, Epps?” Her voice was soft.
“Not a game, Mikaela,” he said sincerely. “Next to my guys, you’re one of the best people I’ve ever worked with. I like your style and I enjoy spending time with you. I just always kept it casual since you and Sam were an item and there was a little bit of an age difference between us. I’ve never been one to poach another relationship, so, I kept quiet. But the age difference doesn’t matter since we’re always fighting for our lives and I decided I didn’t want to let something silly like a number be the reason I never said anything. More importantly than that, though, you’re someone I respect and I care about you. It’d be really bad for me if I lost you as my friend because you let yourself be chased away due to a misunderstanding of where you have a place or where you belong.”
“I don’t really know where I belong any longer,” She admitted, laying her head back against the seat again.
“With us.” Ironhide’s voice rumbled through the cab. “You’ll always belong with us, Mikaela. It’s not because of Sam that you’re part of us, but because of you and who you are. You earned your place among us with your own merits.”
“I just don’t know what to do, guys,” she admitted. “Sam took a cruel swipe at my pride over something that I had told him in confidence. He went on to make it seem that I’m lacking some kind of spark to connect with you guys the way he’s able to.”
“In that, Sam is wrong. There is nothing that you lack and Sam has more of when it comes to connecting and bonding with the Cadre,” Ironhide made a sound that could have been a sigh. “If you recall, after getting the All Spark to Optimus and saving the day, he wanted to just walk away and have it be that. He had won your heart and had an awesome machine as his friend and bodyguard, There was no reason for him to want to do anything else in his eyes. In fact, the last time right before Optimus died for that time, Sam told him that our fight wasn’t his war.”
“But it was our war… it *is* our war,” Mikaela argued. “This is our world and if Megatron and his cronies are going to keep fighting here and wanting to destroy us and our way of life, then we have to fight, too. It’s our world and our responsibility.”
“And now you know why you belong with us and will always have a place with our cadre and our family.” Ironhide rumbled, starting the engine,
“And you and the rest of the military guys, Epps?”
“We stand with the ‘Bots. You’re family to them and to us, Mikaela. Don’t let Sam being an idiot tear you down and make you walk away from those that want you with them and would have you as their bond mate, cadre, family or more. There’s a whole lot about all of this that Sam is wrong about and I’m sure that Lennox and Bumblebee and Optimus are telling him all about.”
“And a great many other things.” Ironhide said with a hint of anger in his voice.
Mikaela sighed, closing her eyes for a long time.
“Will you come back home, Mikaela?” Ironhide’s voice rumbled through the cab of the truck.
She only took a few seconds of silence to decide. “If you’re sure that I really have all of that belonging and place like you guys have been talking about since you found me, then I’ll come home.” She looked at Epps with a frown. “Though, if I find out that this was all just a bunch of pretty words to get me to come back and you now have to scramble to figure out what to do with me because Sam was right and there is no longer a place for me, I’ll leave and this time you won’t find me and I won’t come back.”
“That’s not even a worry,” Ironhide said as he turned around to head back to the base. “We’ve been completely truthful in what we’ve said and even now your bonded is waiting for you to have words with you. You suddenly being gone caused Arcee quite a bit of distress.”
“I’ll try not to let it happen again,” Mikaela murmured.
Epps wrapped an arm around her and pulled her toward him so she could rest her head against his shoulder.
“Rest, Mikaela. The last several hours have been hard on you. Things will look a little more clear after getting some sleep.”
