deeperwonderment | Losing Sight

Title: Losing Sight
Author:

not_from_stars
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing/Characters: Abby Maitland/Becker/Connor Temple
Rating/Category: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes, it's easy to lose sight of the important things -- even when they're right in front of your face.
Words: Google Docs says 3690, Micrsoft Word says 3676, A03 says 3667. I'm going with "WORDS YAY!"
Notes: I wrote this as a follow up to S4 EP4 because I just couldn't see Abby shutting everything down for very long after she snapped at Connor. Luckily for me,

primeval_denial has had PriWriMo all February and it got written sooner rather than later.

"She almost got herself sacked and possibly arrested today," Jess said gently as she helped Connor put away some of the gear.

Connor jerked his head up, almost dropping one of the small boxes he was packing away. "What?"

"Abby."

Connor stiffened, his eyes darkening with concern. "What happened to Abby?"

Jess looked around to make sure they were still alone and then reached over to turn off his box. "Abby came up with this plan to get the menagerie out and to someone at a private zoo or something. She asked me to help her."

Connor's shoulders slumped. "Abby..." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Why didn't you?"

"I came close to doing it," she admitted. "But then when I heard what was happening down at the site where you guys were, I told her that the creatures were too dangerous and I couldn't help her."

"Oy. That couldn't have gone well."

Jess frowned, looking away and then looked back at him. "She was pretty broken up about the whole thing, Connor."

"She seemed okay with you after we all got back. She didn't want to talk to me."

"That would probably because she and I just met, and I'm a girl. But she expected you to have her back on that. I know about the conversation and I know that when Phillip said they would have to be destroyed..."

"I was in a bit of a shock. I had just almost killed him and Rex and he caught me off guard with his decision."

"That isn't how it seemed to her, Connor. You've been pretty vocal about how Phillip is your scientific hero and all since you met him. When he wanted to destroy the creatures and you didn't say anything, it had to hurt her."

"I didn't mean to hurt her, Jess." He leaned forward, placing his hands on the table as he closed his eyes. "But the menagerie is safe now, right? Phillip changed his mind."

"Lester changed his mind for him," Jess pointed out. "Lester is the one that went to bat for Abby and the menagerie."

Connor groaned. Great. Not only did Abby feel like he had betrayed her, but Lester was the one who rescued the situation.

"Let me give you one piece of advice, Connor."

"Only one?" He said dryly, looking down at the floor and sighing.

"Go to Abby and talk to her. I know that she tried to quit the ARC when you two were told that there was no place for you on the team. She's probably feeling pretty wounded that she was willing to walk away for you, but that you weren't willing to speak up against Phillip." She squeezed his hand. "You're losing sight of what's really important. You've known Burton for what, a few days? You've known Abby for four years. Abby is your girl. You probably shouldn't forget that." Jess patted his hand and started to walk away.

"Jess?"

"Yes?"

"Where is Abby now?"

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "With Becker."

They had gone to Becker's flat. Abby had needed to make sure for herself that Becker was okay after the events of the day, and Becker didn't want her left alone. To his eyes, she just didn't look like she was in a good place emotionally and there was no way he was leaving her alone to deal with it by herself.

After his wounds were cleaned and bandaged again and they were drinking a beer, Becker finally frowned at her.

"What's going on, Abby?"

At first, she shook her head, refusing to look at him. "Nothing."

"Nothing doesn't make you look so miserable and like the world is sitting on your shoulders."

Becker watched Abby struggling for a few moments with what to say, but her words caught him completely off guard.

"I'm losing him," she said quietly. The pain in those three words was clear, and he knew exactly who she was talking about.

Becker's eyes widened and he set his beer down and moved to crouch in front of her. He recognized that look in her eyes. It was the same one that had stared at him from the mirror during the year that they'd been missing.

"Who do you think you're losing him to, Abby?"

"Burton."

Becker blinked and then his jaw hardened. "What?"

Abby looked up and when she saw his expression, she shook her head. "Not like that, or at least I don't think so."

"That's good." Because, boss or not, if he was trying to break Connor and Abby up, well then, they would have to have a serious talk. Maybe he'd introduce him to Matt's toy guns. Shaking his head, he rubbed Abby's hands. "Talk to me, Abby. What happened today and why do you think that?"

In fits and bursts, Abby told him about everything that had happened, both before and after the team had gone to that anomaly.

"He wanted to kill all of the creatures, Becker. Including Rex!" She swallowed and Becker hated that she was so near to crying about this. "Connor didn't even argue with him. He didn't speak up at all."

Becker frowned. That didn't seem like Connor at all. Granted, Becker agreed that some of the creatures were dangerous, but Rex? Or Sid and Nancy? How could anyone want to kill those three? How could anyone look at Abby and tell her that the animals she was caring for were going to be killed? Fuck the toy guns. Becker wanted to introduce Phillip Burton to his weaponry.

He cupped her face in his hands. "We'll do something to save them, Abby, I promise you. We'll figure out something and we won't let them be killed."

"Lester," she said, meeting his eyes. "Lester saved them. I don't know what he did or how he did it, but at the end of the day, Burton told me that it wouldn't be wise to be hasty were the animals were concerned."

He winced. "Lester and not Connor." Abby nodded and Becker pulled her into his arms. "There has to be a reasonable explanation, love. Connor loves you and he would never put someone like Phillip Burton before you."

"He's his hero, yeah?" Abby said against his shoulder.

"Maybe, Abby, but you're more important to him. Burton may be his childhood hero, but you are the one he loves."

She didn't respond, but Becker could tell from the wetness on his shirt that she was crying. Abby crying tore at his heart and he didn't like it. Before he could come up with the words to comfort her, there was a knock on his door.

"You look like hell," Becker greeted Connor when he opened the door.

"And you're not supposed to be standing, but here you are." He sighed. "Is Abby here?"

Becker nodded, stepping into the hall and closing the door behind him. Once outside, he leaned up against the wall.

"Want to tell me what happened today?"

"You got bit by a creature that sent poison through your system and you could have died." Connor was happy to play the avoidance game right now.

Becker crossed his arms and gave Connor a look. "That's not what I'm talking about and you bloody well know it."

Connor sighed. "I think Abby and me had a fight of a sort."

"You think?"

The other man slumped. "I didn't mean to hurt her, Becks, I didn't."

"But it did happen and now you have to fix it. I don't like either one of you being upset and I really don't like one or the both of you crying."

That sent alarm through Connor. "Abby's been crying?"

"She has." Becker sighed. "She thinks she's losing you."

Connor blinked. "What?! No, she'd never lose me, not after everything we've been through together." He frowned. "Who does she think she's losing me to?"

"Burton."

"Ew."

Becker shook his head. "Not like that." And really, he hoped that wasn't in Burton's plans because he really might have to shoot him. "It's just that you spend more time doing stuff for Burton and when he wanted to kill the menagerie, it crushed her. When you didn't speak up, you made that hurt deepen within her."

"Oy, what a mess."

"That's putting it mildly."

"I'd never let him kill Rex," Connor said quietly. "She has to know that." He looked at the other man. "Doesn't she?"

"I don't think she does, Connor. She's upset and she's hurting. It also adds to the pain that it was Lester that saved the menagerie for her."

"I owe Lester a lot," Connor acknowledged. "I just... I was so surprised that he was even thinking about it that I didn't know what to say at the time. I wouldn't have just let it happen, though. I would have figured out something."

"I'm not the one you need to be explaining this to, Connor."

"She may not want to talk to me."

"I know for a fact that she does. Abby isn't adjusting well and all she has is us and the menagerie." He frowned. "She thinks she is losing one of those things that mean so much to her and no one but you is going to be able to convince her otherwise. I can be there for both of you and I can love you, but I can't fix whatever is going wrong between the two of you."

Connor nodded. "Yeah, I get that." He looked at Becker. "I don't know what to say to her, Becker. I'd never hurt her for the world, and now I have. Even Jess said so."

"Jess was there with her all day while we were out at the school. I'm sure Jess knows what she's talking about."

"She said Abby almost risked her job."

"Excuse me?"

"She was trying to get the animals out of the ARC today. I don't know where she thought she was going to take a mammoth, but that wasn't going to stop her."

Becker rubbed his head. Abby had neglected to mention that part to him. "I can understand if she was trying to just get Rex, and Sid and Nancy out of there, but Monty and the Dracorex?" He shook his head. "What stopped her?"

"Jess wouldn't help her and she couldn't do it all by herself."

"Abby, you daft girl," Becker muttered. "She didn't get caught, and more importantly, she didn't get hurt. But after the two of you talk and get things straightened out between you, she and I are going to have a talk. I'm not going to run the risk of losing either one of you -- especially because you do something foolish."

"I guess I should go talk to her so you can get the chance to lecture her before you pass out."

"I'm not going to pass out, Connor."

"But the medics gave you --"

"I don't take pills. They interfere with my reflexes."

"You were bitten and poisoned and are in pain, you idiot! The pills make you feel better so you can rest."

"I'm fine, Connor," Becker bit out. "I don't like pain medication, I never have. Besides, I'm only in pain when I stand."

"Like you're doing right now!"

"I will be going in to the bedroom to lie down while you and Abby talk," he reassured the other man. "Right now, there are more important things than my leg -- and Abby rebandaged it to her liking. So, you know that it's going to be all right."

Connor nodded. If you were unlucky enough to get hurt, you wanted to be lucky enough to get bandaged up by Abby. She was gentle and thorough and...

He blinked. "If she took care of it once you two got here, then you'll be all right for a little bit." He looked from Becker to the door. "I guess... I guess I should go in."

"You probably should, yeah. You can't talk to her while you're standing in the hall."

Connor nodded and took a breath. "Was she really mad, Becker?"

"Honestly, Connor? She was more sad than angry."

"That's even worse," Connor said as he opened the door and the two of them went inside.

Becker continued down the hall to the bedroom while Connor took a seat in the chair across from where Abby was sitting. His heart clenched when he saw her swollen eyes. It was a sure sign that she had been crying and he hated it when she cried. He hated it even more when he thought he was the one responsible for her tears.

"Abby," he said softly. "Can we talk?"

Abby raised her eyes to look at him and then nodded slowly. Connor let out a breath.

"Abby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, you have to believe that. You know me better than that." He watched her teeth pull at her bottom lip and his heart ached a little. Did she really doubt his feelings for her, even after everything?

"He wanted to kill them," Her voice was a little hoarse and he knew it had to have been from crying. "All of them -- even Rex. He said they had to be destroyed and you didn't even say anything to him about it." She shook her head. "You were just going to let him..."

Connor winced. "Abby, no, that's not true. I'm sorry that I didn't speak up, but I was just so surprised. I couldn't believe he really was saying such a thing. It wasn't because I agreed with him. He caught me off guard." He sighed, moving from the chair to crouch in front of her. "And then before I could come up with a plan or get the chance to talk to him, the anomaly happened." He watched her eyes move over him and he gave her a small smile. "I know. I wasn't even hurt, just tired and seeing Becker..."

She flinched. "I saw his leg. The poison could have killed him."

"But it didn't. It would take a lot more than that to keep him down, Abby. That's a fact, just like it would take more than that to get rid of me." He reached for her hands. "I'm glad Lester saved the menagerie, Abby. But you have to know, I wouldn't have let anything happen to them. I would have figured out something to do in order to protect them." He gave her a look. "Something that didn't include risking everything I have in order to kidnap them."

"Jess told you."

"She did." He reached out to run a hand through her hair. "Abby, what were you thinking?"

"I just had to try something, Connor. I had to try to get them out of the ARC before Burton could kill them."

"You could have gotten into trouble, Abby! At the least you could have gotten fired, at the most, you could have gotten hurt -- or even killed!" He hadn't been aware that he was so angry about this, but the realization that she could have been hurt while carrying out her crazy plan had pushed him to that edge. "Didn't that occur to you?" He could tell by her face that it hadn't and he felt a blend of sadness and fear.

"I couldn't let him take anything else away from me!"

Connor rocked back on his heels. Becker had told him what she thought, but it was her pale face and the look in her eyes that made him grasp the realization that Abby really did believe she was losing him to Burton. Had he really been so wrapped up in the man that he hadn't seen what Abby was going through or what she was thinking?

"Talk to me, Abby. What's wrong? I know something has been bothering you for awhile, something more than the menagerie being in danger." He squeezed onto the sofa next to her, pulling her to him. He was relieved when she didn't struggle against it. That meant that whatever was wrong between them could be fixed.

"I don't feel like I belong anywhere any longer."

Connor's eyes widened when she said that. He had known that she was having a hard time, but he hadn't realized the depth of her struggle. "What do you mean?"

"I wanted to get back home so badly, but now that I'm here, I'm realizing that I don't fit in. That it's not the home we left. I'm at the ARC because Lester wanted me there for the menagerie. Yeah, they've realized that they can't keep us from going on creature calls, but I'm still only there because of the menagerie. Besides you and Becker, that's all I have, and he was going to destroy it and take that away from me like he's taking you away. I don't even have a home any longer. Yeah, Jess has been nice enough to let us stay with her, but it's not ours." She shook her head. "I didn't expect it to be this hard. Coming home to our time was supposed to be the easy part."

"Oh, Abby," he closed his eyes and buried his face into her hair. How could she have kept all of this a secret from him? They were a team and were supposed to work through things together. That's how they had managed to survive back in the Cretaceous. They relied on each other. Why had she assumed that coming back home meant she had to try to go back into a role where she kept everything locked inside and suffered quietly? He ran a hand through her hair and frowned when he felt the wetness seeping into his shirt. He tightened his arm around her as his other hand continued to card through her hair. "Why haven't you talked to me?

"Because I'm supposed to be stronger than this, Connor. That's who I am and that's why people like me, because I am strong and I can handle anything that gets tossed at me."

"No," he said firmly. "No. That's not why people like you. They like you because you're an amazing and beautiful person. They like you because you care so much about everyone that is around you. The people that matter aren't going to stop loving you just because you have a good cry every now and then. That doesn't make you weak or less beautiful. Especially in my eyes." He tilted her head up so that he could look into her face. "Abby, you can't keep trying to keep carrying the world on your shoulders and there's no reason that you need to feel you have to deal with everything alone. I love you, and we're a team. You're not going to lose me, I promise you that."

"He's right, you know," Becker's voice entered the room only a moment before he did. He sat on the sofa next to her. "Yes, you're strong and you make sure that people see you like that, but Christ, Abby!" He shook his head and then reached out to lay his hand on her back. "There is so much more to you than the things you list. You don't have to always be the strong one -- especially with us."

Connor moved from Abby's side just long enough to pull the chair over for Becker to put his leg up, before he went back to holding her.

"Just because we're not fighting for our lives every day against dinosaurs, it doesn't mean that you have to go back to trying to take care of everything on your own, Abby." Connor's voice was firm. "You have me and Becker and Lester. You're not alone." He looked at Becker for a long moment and then he looked at Abby. "We're not going to walk away from you, either. I know that you're used to people leaving you or hurting you. But you need to stop assuming that everyone is going to be like that."

"I still don't know if I even have a place here any longer. Everything is so cold and different."

She was leaning into Connor's embrace, so Becker reached for one of her hands, instead. "Your place? Your place is with us, Abby. With the men who love you." He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "Your place is at the ARC, no matter how Burton makes you feel. Lester wanted you there, so did Matt."

"Matt's barmy."

"But smart enough to know that you're valuable to the team." Becker countered.

"Abby," Connor said quietly, carding a hand through her hair. "It seems that you're losing sight of the important things, and you're not the only one." Abby had stiffened in his arms when he said the first part, but at his admission, he felt her start to relax again. "I'm sorry that I've been so wrapped up in Phillip and the gadgets that I didn't see what you've been going through."

Abby started to shrug, but Becker squeezed her hand gently. "No. Don't you dare shrug off what he's saying and take it all on yourself. The two of you have got to start listening more to each other."

Connor felt the wetness seep through his shirt and he knew that she was starting to cry again. Instead of panicking about it, he tightened his arms around her. How often had she started to cry and then buried it because she was trying to be the tough one?

Instead, he kissed her on top of her head. "Get it all out, Abby," he said softly. "I've got you and I'm not leaving. Just let it all go."

As he held Abby, Connor's eyes met Becker's. Nothing had been fixed -- he hadn't expected instant results -- but at least he knew that it could be fixed. As long as he had Abby and Becker, Connor didn't doubt that the world would be all right.